Weekly weigh in #13 I WILL NOT BE DISCOURAGED, I keep telling myself that!

Well, I do not have news I wanted to come and share today and to be as honest as I know how to be I have no clue WHY I have the news I do, but here you go:

Loss for the week: - 0 (GAINED +2 lbs)

Starting weight: 345 lbs
Current weight: 328 lbs
Total loss to date: 17 lbs

Total Percentage Lost: 4.9 %

BMI: 52.9

Pounds left to loose: 183

I worked out 5 days this week after not working out for the time before.  I also went out on thursday and did alot of walking and activity on our date night with Noah, and twice this week did big walking in stores.  I also ate even better.  I feel like I am just heading the other way.  I am now up 6 lbs from where I was.  down to only a 17 lb weight loss :( I mean I am thrilled that much is one but to have gained back now 6 lbs and these last 2 when I was working so hard is so frustrating.  And I feel like noone will believe I was working because the scale went the other way.  I keep telling myself I WILL NOT BE DISCOURAGED!  I am having to really fight it at this point!  I did quite a bit of learnin this week at the gym and out so I am thankful for that and trying to focus on that.  I guess I will just keep trying and see what happens.  My pain level is better this Sunday than last but still up there.  and I still feel swollen and bloated but that has always been a problem for me even as a kid so its just who I am I guess.  I feel even more like a blimp than normal. sigh

Weekly Weigh in # 12 ashamed to share

Today is my weekly weigh in #12.  I started this journey to a better me December 29, 2011. and started weekly weigh in's January 1st, 2012.  Today is 12 weeks since I began and rather than having an exciting update today 12 weeks in I have to share that I had a gain.  I am still battling swelling and alot of pain, have literally been in bed totally some days or the recliner other days.  It has been a really bad few weeks, but the biggest disappointment to me is that even during the bad times I cant do good.  I do not like this 2 steps forward 10 steps backward feeling.  But anyway, I can quite all together which with as much emotional stuff going on right now is very tempting, or I can just keep trying and try and try not to keep thinking forever I would be 4 lbs ahead if I had not blown it.  Anyway, here are the weigh in details:

Loss for the week: - 0 (GAINED +4 lbs)

Starting weight: 345 lbs
Current weight: 326 lbs
Total loss to date: 19 lbs

Total Percentage Lost: 5.5%

BMI: 52.6

Pounds left to loose: 181

The Missing Weigh in..keepin in real...

So not sure if anyone noticed but Sunday I did not post a weigh in for everyone.  Reason being, I did not weigh in.  Partly because I am sick, partly cuz I am very very swollen and in tons of pain.  Fibro flareup and head/chest cold high fever all have crashed in on each other.  On top of that Bobby got turned down for a really good job that we desperately NEED.  It has not helped my frame of mind at all.  As I lay in my recliner today hurting and trying to figure out how to do the have to things of the day and weekend with me and my beautiful babies I feel very defeated in all areas.  I feel so bloated that I am thinking I probably weigh more than my start weight on Dec 29th.  Why am I so swollen.  Coming off ICU, and then the trip to Neuro and the physical and emotional demands of that and a very hard and longer than normal trip home thanks to a 2 and half hour interstate delay and then weather to make the trip even longer still I am sure did not help.  Anyway, I did not weigh in and as Sunday approaches for this week I am really worried.  I am thinking how much damage has a week of a big trip, tons of swelling, not as good foods, not as much working out, emotional and physical drama and then illness and a week of NO exercise and very little movement that was not absolutly necessary gonna show.  I am feeling like is this really even possible for me.  I know so many are just thinking if you would just shut up, stop eating, and get off you butt you would already lost all the weight.  And that is true.  and in 43 years I just keep getting bigger.  I read someone wrote that some people are just meant to be big.  and that is ok.  BUT if it is ok why does it make me cry?  If it is ok WHY do I hate it and disgust my own self?  Why do I see so many things in life I miss out on.  I watched several episodes of my 600 lb life.  There were people on there that started over 600 lbs and lost to my weight and could soo much more than I can do now.  What is up with that.  Why can't I.  Am I having a pitty party.  Maybe.  But I have been holding so much inside lately that for some reason I thought I need to get this out.  Will it help me to do that?  who knows.  probably not, and it might hurt, it might mean people give up on me and think bad of me, it might mean those who were helping me at Fitness Lady might say you blew it, you dont really want this, you can't do this.  It might be that someone understands , it might be that somehow throwing all this out of me will help me to pick myself up and try some more.  I went to the mall yesterday to get something my mother wanted for her birthday.  I had to keep sitting down and had chest pains and almost passed out a few times just trying to walk from van to the store and then same thing coming back.  It is like I am in worse shape than before I started, which was bad enough.  So that makes me feel more defeated, and it makes me want something different but wonder if there is anything different for me.  Sometimes dreams just dont come true.  I know that with my baby boys, those dreams came true.  So far fetched to thing God would bridge the ocean for me of all people and then to do it twice!  Wow.  Dream come true.  Dreams come true in that even though I thought I would never find love God gave me Bobby.  Dreams come true cuz I have a beautiful baby girl who is an amazing woman of God now.  A gift from the Lord.  My entire family a gift from God.  Dreams do come true.  So , have I had enough dreams filled.  Is this dream not possible.  Or do I not have what it takes. I know that with God all things are possible, but is it more about me and less about Him.  But then I think what use am I to Him this way?  I can't even help in serving line at Church for the pain of my weight on my knees, ankels and feet.  Why am I bothering you all with this.  I dont know.  Maybe somehow this will help someone someday.  I know that my babies are worth me trying to keep on.   I need to quit thinking.  I need to quit worrying about our financial situation, I need to quit worrying about alot of things and just try and get going again.  thanks if you read this, and thanks if you are still cheering for me to figure out how to make this really happen for real.  I do not want to fail at this, though I know right now that is where I am at.

Weekly weigh in #10 Roller Coaster Weigh In

This has been a crazy weigh in week.  First of all I could not weigh in on Sunday morning because I was at the hospital with my baby boy Jeremiah after his surgery.  We spent time in PICU and on the floor.  It was a rollercoaster week for me and so then I guess that is fitting for the roller coaster weigh in.  I am very swollen and in ALOT of pain and having some bowel issues.  Sunday Night I made the mistake of weighing in after we got home and I was UP quite a bit from last week's weigh in.  Talk about upsetting to have a HUGE gain  : (  The more I thought about it and remembered that weight can fluctuate during the day and all with eating and such I decided to weigh in on Monday morning at my normal Sunday time.  Boy am I glad I did.  I actually lost weight somehow with all that was going on this week and being swollen so bad.  So not positive which one to count, but since Monday morning was my normal time but not normal day, I decided PRAYERFULLY it is more accurate!  So here you go.

Loss for the week: - 1 lb

Starting weight: 345 lbs
Current weight: 322 lbs
Total loss to date: 23 lbs

Total Percentage Lost: 6.7 %

BMI: 52

Pounds left to loose: 177

Please be in prayer for our family for the next few weeks and especially for the next few days.  I leave town in a few minutes with the babies to head to Baton Rouge for Neuro appt and testing and Bobby will be going to a hiring session/interview with the railroad on Wednesday.  We are prayerful that either that job or one he interviewed for last week will come through for him and soon.  He needs a half way decent paying job desperately! All of that and some other things leave us in need of any prayers you are willing to send up for us.  We really could use the prayers.

Weekly weigh in #9

Weigh In Day

So today is weigh in day. This week has been.... well, I am not even sure the right word to sum up the week.  It has been a tough week, an extremely stressful week, a very emotional week, a roller coaster week, a painful week (both physically and otherwise), and the list goes on.  It was also a week that found me at times eating in places with little control over my food intake, and at times with little care for it at all.  I had days that I had to go into weekly points, and then I had other days that I was soo way below my points and had to eat just a little something right before I emailed my foods to Kedgy because if I sent in 900 calories I knew she would fuss.  Very odd that there was a day I ate till full and still come end of day had to eat when I wasn't hungry to get me up to the minimum calories.  Guess that was just as well to make up for eating at hospital cafeteria and all the other things that happend this week.  I am having a really upsetting day today too and feeling very yucky, in pain, and swollen.  So taking all that in to account I can say that I am pretty happy with the fact that I lost ANYTHING at all this week and if I had the energy would do a happy dance that I did not gain.  Sad to say that I just dodged the bullet of heading the wrong way again.  I keep telling myself God's mercies are new EVERY morning.  Every day is a new day to make any good change toward a better me.  Praying this coming week I can make good changes all week, and also that I can get to the gym and do my exercise every day.  Had some unforseen things that kept me away from gym several days.  Anyway on to the weigh in report.

Yes you have seen this picture before. I again lost .8 lbs (12.8 ounces) this week.

Loss for the week: - .8 lbs (12.8 ounces)

Starting weight: 345 lbs
Current weight: 323 lbs
Total loss to date: 22 lbs

Total Percentage Lost: 6.4%

BMI: 52.1

Pounds left to loose: 178

Please be in prayer for our family for the next few weeks if you can.  We really could use the prayers.

Weekly Weigh In Update # 8 What a week!!!

It's Sunday, my weekly weigh in day.  So much I have learned this week and have made many milestones this week, some weight related, some exercise related and some other.  

Loss for the week: - 4.4 lbs

Starting weight: 345 lbs
Current weight: 323.8 lbs
Total loss to date: 21.2 lbs

Total Percentage Lost: 6.14 %

BMI: 52.3

Pounds left to loose: 178.8

I was quite excited to see my loss this week on the scale!  It is showing that even with some messups in the long run I am still going down and in the right direction! :)  So this week's loss brings me to a total loss of:

 21.2 lbs!!!! That is 2 10 lb bag of potatoes and a 1 lb hunk of butter!  GONE!  No longer on this heart, these lungs, these joints!  Woohoo!  This is so exciting for me for several reasons!!!!!  First of all it helps me to reach and exceed my first weight watchers big goal!

There is 5 + percent less of me than there was 7 weeks and 3 days ago.  7 weeks seems like such a long time but I guess really its not that long, not quite 2 months.  And if I had not been working towards getting healthier I would either have been the same weight or bigger at this point so I guess that is good.   

The next goal I met was a goal of mine personally.  I wanted to loose more than 20 lbs because I have lost 20 lbs before several times actually but then it goes no further.  So now that I have lost 21.2 lbs I have officially lost more than I have ever lost before.  The key now is to keep that 21.2 lbs off and keep loosing.  I am wondering how long it will take to loose ANOTHER 21.2 lbs.  :)  and then another and another and so on till I have lost all 200.  It was so cool to see 178.8 lbs left to loose!  YES! I know that is still a TON of weight and much more than most of you reading this weigh to begin with but it is still less than 200 lbs left or even 180 lbs left.  My next big weight watchers goal is to loose 10 % of my body weight which will put me at just over 310 lbs.  

Thought I would share some of the trackers on my weight watchers online.

Was so cool to see a new milestone star up there! :)

hope you can see this! you might have to click it to make bigger, not sure.  It is cool to see the graph going down! and kinda see the progression.

This will help me to see the little bits at a time adding up!

I saw this and thought about something Brianna Larson (Fitness Lady Personal Trainer) told me actually more than once since my journey has begun!  I am so blessed to have her and Kedgy  and staff helping me along on this journey!  It hard at times to look at all these fit and gorgeous people all the time and then at me.  And for me I am making huge strides but its hard to not get down when I still have more to loose than most people weigh to begin with!  BUT I am trying to look at Tami and where she came from and nothing else.  Speaking of Fitness Lady!  Please go and like there facebook page HERE  and then you can learn so many things when they post good information about women's health and fitness!  No matter where you live you can still benefit from their wisdom!  And follow along with me and all the great ladies that go there!  And local friends, PLEASE come work out with me.  I can get you a guest pass for a first time try and you can either come work out on machine's with me or go to a water class with me, or maybe even a floor class if I get brave and healthy enough! LOL 

Another milestone for me this week was on the Elliptical!  I started out on the elliptical about to die!  lol  and at times I still feel like I am goin to die but I got up to 30 minutes plus a 5 minute cool down this week!  And I did it more than once!  Strangely I was able to do it faster one day and burn more calories than another but I still did it!  This coming week I get to meet with Kedgy to "shake things up" with my weight program so I am excited and a bit nervous about this.  I thank God EVERY day for bringing Kedgy, Brianna and all of Fitness Lady staff and members into my life.  They are a blessing to me and I pray to be one to them someday!

This is so true!  I am NOTHING without Him!  I am blogging and sharing my journey for many reasons.  1) I NEED the support, the feedback, the encouragement, and the friendship to make it through this journey. 2) so that maybe someday someone who was where I am will see this and see my journey and not feel alone, and not feel like it can't be done, and in some small way I can be of help to another woman!  3) As a record for me to see how far I have come, where I have failed, where I have succeeded, and that I am doing it.  BUT in all of this I do NOT want it to appear it is all about me.  It is all about HIM!  Without Jesus I would be nowhere! Every breathe I take is a gift from the Lord above.  As I am being transformed physically into a new creation in HIM I am also spiritually being transformed more and more and more.  Part of the goal of all this is to live!  To live to be a better mother to the children HE bridged the ocean to bring home to me, to the amazing woman of God HE honored me to give birth to and raise, to be a better wife to the man of God HE brought into my life, and to be a better daughter to HIM!  To be able to serve Him better with the orphans of the world, in our local church, in our home, in any way that I can.  All of it is for Him and from Him.  I KNOW that I could not have lost this 21.2 lbs without Jesus!  To God be the glory great things HE hath done!  Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. John 1:3-4

Weigh in update #7~ It's about more than weight! Learning, learning, learning!

Today is my weigh in day.  Again I was worried about a gain, partly because there were some rough patches this week, partly because last night we went to a Mystery Dinner Theatre and they served some bbq.  It was good at the time but by end of the night I felt very yucky and still feel very full and yucky today.  BBQ does not usually affect me this way so not really sure what the deal is.  Anyway I did not gain but also did not loose as much as I would have liked or even as WW recommends (1 to 2 lbs a week) but any loss is to be celebrated so again I celebrate every ounce!

Loss for the week: -.8 lbs (12. 8 ounces)
Starting weight: 345 lbs
Current weight: 328.2 lbs
Total loss to date: 16.8 lbs

Total Percentage Lost: 4.8%

BMI: 53

Pounds left to loose: 183.2

I had to find a way to show myself what I lost.  So when I saw that it was 12.8 ounces I thought well what does 12 ounces of fat look like, above you see the 3 sticks of butter.  that is 12 ounces so I  lost slightly over that.  That may not seem like alot but still that is that much off my heart, lungs , joints, etc.  little baby steps!

So that brings me to 16.8 lbs lost total!  I am soo close to loosing 5 % of my starting weight, my first WW goal and this is the second week I just knew I would do it and didnt.  BUT it has been a week of learning alot.  

The Amazing Kedgy Larson, owner of Fitness Lady,  help a contest recently on the 

Fitness Lady Facebook page.  We were to put up a picture from our Christmas Family Celebration on the Facebook page and get friends and family to like Fitness Lady's page as well as our specific picture!  The one with the most likes won!  Thanks to so many of you I was the winner!  I won some personal training from Kedgy!  So this past week she had me start emailing her a journal of all food and drinks I consume each night.  She asked me to try and find ways to add more fruits and vegetables to my diet. Not a big surprise she asked this, as that has always been a hard one for me.  I have added some and am finding new ways to cook some of the veggies and learning so much from Kedgy!  One tip, if you want a potato pair that with say salsa that has acid and peppers and that helps the parts of the potato that are not as good for you to be better.  I love salsa and it is all veggies :)  When the budget allows I am gonna buy up a bunch of ingrediants to make my homemade salsa! :)   Anyway this has been awesome to have Kedgy and her amazing daughter Brianna to speak into my life.  Everyone at fitness lady is so wonderful! Even if you are not local, you can like the Fitness Lady Facebook page  by clicking one of the links in this post and follow along, they post all kinds of good information to help you learn more and more about taking good care of yourself! :) 

Saturday at Fitness Lady I attended a Seminar all about heart disease in women.  I KNEW I was at risk with the horrific family history issues we have, but boy was this seminar very eye opening.  I am even more at risk than I realized.  I also learned alot about symptoms to look for, things I should and shouldnt be doing, about cholesterol, stroke information and the list goes on.  I will be calling my doctor this week to get a copy of my last blood work results and making an appointment to come in for more current results.  I want to see if there may be any difference since December 29th when I started this journey back up! I am learning how to keep track of these numbers and that will be great to see how they change as I get healthier! If you have an opportunity to go to a seminar like this I highly recommend it.  I am excited because Fitness Lady is having another free seminar March 3rd.  This one on nutrition!  Plus they have break out sessions from time to time and I try to hard to make them if it works out with childcare and all.  

As yall know I am now drinking water!  Well, this week's assignment with Kedgy is to drink even more water and less other things.  

Also she is wanting me to get more low fat diary products into my diet!  I ADORE milk and cheese, and I love string cheese, so now I have a good reason to treat myself that that when I get groceries!  It is 1 ounce of good cheese! :)  I am told goat cheese is very healthy, I just wish it was not soo expensive!  So as I said so much learning going on this week!  I am also reading alot of articles at Weight Watchers Online and that is helping me so much too!  Lots of good recipes when I can get the ingredients! Also Brianna Larson, Fitness Lady personal trainer, has a blog I try and read and learn as much as I can from her too!  Her blog is Flexible Billie Goat!  If you click the name you can go there too!  I am loving soaking up all I can from Brianna, Kedgy, WW, and anyplace I can.  Knowledge is power, right! :) 

So in closing this update, I may not have had a huge difference on the scale this week, BUT I am having a difference in my mind!  And I am working on in my heart!  Keeping it real I got so emotional the past few days, because while 16 lbs (now 16.8) is a loss and I guess in some ways it can be a big loss but when you started at 200 lbs overweight it seems like such a little bit, and it is so hard to think that I can keep this up for 2 plus years and reach my goal.  It is emotional when I have been working soo hard and then still every room I go in, I am the biggest person in the room.  I feel so out of place in the world.  Finances are making some places that are far from our home impossible to go to as much and so that I think is affecting me in some ways.  But I am realizing that I am needing to work on my one on one relationship with the Lord.  HE is the one that is with me whether I am at home alone wishing I was at worship, or whether I am in a dr. office, therapy place, or on an elliptical.  My goal is to find a way to have worship music while I am on elliptical, treadmill and bike! I am also learning to tell the Lord when I feel emotional when I walk into a room.  It is hard to look at me as He sees me, inside all this weight.  He gave me this body to be a good steward of it and I have NOT been, but I am working on it now.  Somewhere inside is that body He gave me, somewhere inside is Tami.  I am a tiny bit closer to her.  As I work on the weight, the health, the eating, and even just doing things to take care of me that normal people do that I just dont  even think of doing, etc I am needing to work more and more on the spiritual part of me deep inside.  

So wish I was more talented and could make a signature line divider thing.  I had someone make one for me one time for my other blog and would love one for here, but no clue how to do that! Anyway Thanks to all who are praying, following along and supporting me in this journey in any way shape or form! :)  I NEED YOU GUYS!  THANK YOU!