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Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Sharing and reflecting...

Hi all, or anyone, not really sure who was readin this when I was posting the few times I did.  Boy, looking back over 2009 and all I wanted to do and all I DID NOT do makes me so sad.  Not only did I not loose 20 in 09 I GAINED weight.  I am not positive at the moment what I weigh but it is NOT GOOD :(   I have committed that I am GOING to loose weight for Jeremiah!  I know, anyone that is are saying umm you said you were loosing weight last year and didnt.  Well, all I can say to that is YOUR RIGHT!  I can't tell you how, and I can't even tell you how much, I just know I feel like I need to loose weight to be a better mom for Jeremiah and NOAH as well really but with Jeremiah and his needs I will need more strength and more health and weight does not help those things.  I cry my eyes out when I think about this, when I think about the boys growin up with this MORBIDLY OBESE mama! :(  How much more could I do with them if I was smaller?  How much less will I embarrass them over the years?  And not to mention myself and how I can't stand how I look and hate being the biggest person I KNOW and the biggest person in the room when I go places.  I had my catchy title in 2009 but it did me no good.  So I started reflecting a bit on HOW am I gonna do this, and what am I gonna rename this blog???  Any ideas on the name guys????  I just know a few things.  I know I HAVE to loose weight and do what I can to do to be a better and healthier person.  I KNOW I need the LORD!  and my doc says I need some medication and she SAYS if I take this medicine correctly and they regulate things my body will do what it is suppose to do and I will loose weight.  Now, let me explain...  I have Insulin Resistence.  I dont completely understand it but it has something to do with how my body uses insulin.  According to my doc because of this it affects my ability to loose weight so even when I do what is right to loose and dont loose that is why.  Soo I am supposedly now on the right dosage of medication for my body to work correctly and so my attempts should be more succesfful! We shall see if she is right.  Now, I KNOW I must have GOD for this!  I keep thinking about 2010.  Now I KNOW I can't loose 2010 pounds in 2010 LOL  thank God I dont weight that much, and I can't even loose 201 pounds in a year.  I would PRAY I can loose at least 10 pounds in a year!  And I pray I can loose 10 lbs several times.  I guess the number of the year is 10!  Small goals this year I think!  So I guess what I am gonna do is see how many 10 pound goals I can make!  I will just start now with a goal of loosing 10 lbs and see how it goes and put all I have into that goal.  I will track how long it takes.  The prayer is I will get better at it and maybe my next 10 lbs will go quicker and easier than the first goes!  I DONT KNOW!  Also I am trying to figure out how to implement scripture into all this.  Any suggestions?  I have thought of tryint to memorize 10 scriptures per 10 lbs but I am NOT good at memorizing and dont want to set myself up to fail.  So I am thinking humm maybe I should work on reading differnt 10 scriptures.  Like Genesis 5:10, Psalm 3:10 etc.  I dont know how I would pic them.  Maybe just in my regular devotion time if I see a verse with 10 in it that speaks to me, then I can post it.  I DONT KNOW.  I seeme to be saying that alot!  anyway, if anyone is still reading, and I pray you are as I am definitly NEEDING support in this please comment and let me know.  I need to get a starting weight tomorow somehow.  Tryin to figure that out too as my scale is not working at the moment. anyone out there?????