PRAYER NEEDED...Screenings Update

For all those following along on my Journey to a better me and this particular stage during the Weight Loss Study I wanted to update y'all.  I am on day 8 of the Health One liquid diet.  I have survived!  I still have 6 days to go so I am halfway there! I have figured out a couple of ways to stand the vanilla woohoo!  One is with cinnamon and splenda as a shake or cooked in the 2tsp of oil we are required each day as a fake pancakes.   and the other is with ice and diet sunkist orange soda.  Both are workable.  Chocolate with splenda and almond extract and I do it as shakes with ice, or hot as cocoa or with a little required oil and cook in microwave with a little water and it turns into a brownie kinda thing and then drink the water along with it.  I was blessed with a new blender when mine went out during the week!  I LOVE my Ninja Pulse!!

It is PERFECT for the shakes that I have to make and helped the flavor because it does such an amazing job! It is also so easy. I put everything in the small container with the blade and put it upside down on the base and push a few times and a perfect shake! :)  I can't tell you how much this helps me!!  then I switch the blade top for a sip top and I am putting a straw in because it helps get it down but if it was a regular shake or smoothie I could just drink from the lid :)  It also has a bigger part to to make shakes for the family or salsa or something!  I can't wait to eat again and use it to make homemade salsa chicken :)  

Yesterday I went to see the Cardiologist to discuss whether it is safe for me to have the surgery and go through the extreme dieting afterwards, and to just check and see how my heart is under all this weight.  I do not have a good family history when it comes to the heart so I was a tad worried.  Dr. Walton put my mind so at ease that I was in good hands!  He and the entire staff were wonderful.  He wanted to run an echocardiagram and see how the heart looked before making his decision on if he will clear me for this surgery.  He had them go ahead and run it yesterday while I was already at the hospital.  Then called me yesterday afternoon with the results.  Well, there is a problem but we do not know just yet if it will affect my ability to continue in the study and have the surgery or not.  There is enlargement of the heart in the left ventricle. 

 I do NOT have high blood pressure and never have which can cause this over time so that is not the issue.  Dr. Walton wants more testing including a stress test and I am not sure what all else before he makes a decision on how I am doing overall and with the light of the surgery in mind. I leave town on Monday morning for a couple of days of appointments for the babies and then my next screening appointment for the surgery so I know the stress test will not happen until I am back in town.  Please be in prayer that whatever needs to be found will be and that Dr. Walton will make a safe decision for me!  I must say it is a bit frustrating that I might not be able to have the surgery but wont know for sure til after I have finished the shakes!  I sure wish If I was not goin to have it I could know now and stop these things! LOL  I will say this is so hard because of the lack of variety and flavors and the way it makes me feel :(

It is miraculous the things I am craving and miss!  It is also nuts how many places food is in life.  It is EVERYWHERE I go, in pics, in speech, etc.  I thought about making a list of all the things I wanted but can't have!  LOL Remarkably most of them are NOT junk food.  

In addition to my last post about the things I am learning I have a couple more..

1.  I am learning to take more time to prepare meals in morning rather than the quickest easiest thing because there is so much to do.  I now not only have to do everything I already had to do but I have to feed Noah and I have make my shake or cook the fake pancake out of the shake mix.  As I am cooking or preparing each morning I keep thinking how I wish it was an egg and a piece of toast or something.  heehee  So I think after the 2 weeks we will go to more cooked, though still quickly as possible, breakfast and less things that can be popped in the toaster or eaten dry out of a cup.  It does make it hard to get it all done but I think it will be worth it in the end.  

2.  I am learning to eat more often!  I know that sounds odd from a 340 lb woman to say that but it is a HUGE challenge for me to force myself to eat 3 meals a day much less with 2 snacks.  I have done it but not very consistently.  My norm is to maybe not eat till supper or at least not till late afternoon.  I would grab Noah a quick breakfast and then do Jeremiah's feeding but not eat myself and alot of days for lunch even not eat.  Now with having to get the 5 shakes in and wanting the broth I am each day getting better at figuring this out and learning when and how to have them and sorta gettin into a routine.  

3.  I am still learning that my eating is more about what I want and less about hunger.  I have had a few times on this 750 calories a day where if I skip the shake too long then my tummy hurts as it growls so I know it is a physical hunger, but I am for the most part not physically hungry.  It is more hungry in my mind!  I am worried about that because then I worry the surgery will be useless if my issue is not really with needing to be full sooner.  

4.  I am learning that whether I have the surgery or not I have to figure out a way to get the help I need with the kids to get to the gym.  That I NEED other people and NEED to ask them to make sacarafices for me and that is very hard.  It means that either hubby and I have to give up some of the little time we have together around his work and sleep or hubby has to give up a little sleep or I have to ask my daughter from time to time to watch them when she is at home in the evening and then give up some of the little time she and I get.  But I know that without the water I can't move as much the rest of the week an with out moving and exercising surgery or not I will fail yet again.

5.  I am learning that I am getting old!  I know compared to an 80 year old a 43 year old woman is not old BUT I am old in my family.  I am almost the age my dad began having major heart issues, I am passed the age he had adult onset diabetes.  I am getting closer and closer to the age he and my grandfather both died in heart surgery.  One under 50 the other slightly over.  It is a scary realization that though inside I feel like such a little girl,, I AM OLD and my heart is old.  

I love the above picture of the beautiful purple butterfly!  Butterfly has become more and more a symbol to me as this journey progresses and I really want to collect things with pretty ones on it I think :)  I am always looking for saying about butteflies and pictures of butterfly with inspirational quotes.  They make me feel good :)  This one is powerful to me because it means someday when I am finally the beautiful butterfly I will not just look different but will have been through so many changes I will be different.  For someone who does NOT like change and is really scared of it this is wild!  But I want the end product so that means I have to embrace the change.  Well ok at least emotionally survive it! LOL

PLEASE keep me in prayer as I go through today and the next 7 days of this very challenging liquid diet process.  I am very emotional, dizzy on and off, feel weak, hypersensitive, and very reflective right now.  There are other things goin on in our life that are scary and I am needing to storm heaven about as well and so being in this state while all that is also going on is very hard.  So we need prayer across the board.  I KNOW God is able!  I KNOW IT!  So if you are following along on the journey still leave me a message! :)  

thanks for caring guys!