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Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Update...Sharing my heart

I do not even know how to put into words or where to begin sharing this update!  I am so overwhelmed and filled to my core with gratitude to the Lord!  I was originally suppose to have my heart cath done this past Wednesday but the specialist they wanted to specifically do my case could not do it till Monday (yesterday). When I first found out it was being delayed I was aggravated and frustrated in that meant more time to worry.  As I am a worrier which I know is wrong and I am working on it.  Then I found out that on Sunday Peter and Joy Wyns were going to be at our Church and as I read the bio about them in our bulletin I saw that they have a strength in the area of praying for the breaking of generational curses!  I just really felt that meant I was to be in that meeting and how interesting that my procedure was moved till the exact day AFTER they would be there!  I got excited, though was still battling fear as the procedure approached!  Now before I finish the rest let me share for anyone who has not seen or heard on Facebook or by text the results of my Heart Cath are AMAZING!!!

Now I will continue... I just knew I was suppose to be there Sunday and that God had a word for me and that I was to be prayed for and be open for all God had for me.  Sunday morning everything that could go wrong did!  On a normal day with all that going on I would probably have just said forget it we are just not going, but there was a drive inside me to get there so I finally got both the boys ready and we made it to Church 30 minutes late for Christian Education but we made it!  

I must say the service was amazing!  Worship just had me so on fire and as I have shared before music just expresses things words cannot!  Worship is where I FEEL God!  and I feel the closest to Him during it so anytime I have an opportunity to be in a praise and worship service it brings healing and comfort to my very being!  I crave it with all I am!  The message that Peter Wyns preached was called CHOOSE to be wonderful!!!!  It was wonderful and very much in that spoke straight to my heart!  One of the notes I took that morning said If you walk with God He will take you just the way you are and you can be wonderful in Him!  That is just one nugget! I could go on and on with my notes but I will just share one more nugget from that message... "Let your life be full of ministering, loving , and giving to others and you will soon be wonderful"  

 Jesus was our example!  HE was wonderful!  Look at what He spent his earthly ministry doing!  Was he about Himself or others?  What more could one ask in life than when they are gone from the room and gone from this life to be said of them She is/was wonderful!  Jesus is called wonderful in the Word!  What an honor that would be to be called wonderful!  To be wonderful!  I was so excited after the service and felt that God had spoken directly to me in so many ways and was so excited for the evening to come when I knew there was going to be a prayer service after the preaching!

The afternoon continued the way the morning had but in some ways worse!  I can't even tell you how things went including getting my feelings deeply hurt and fussing at myself to stop acting the way I was acting.  All the plans for the afternoon blew up and finally just wasted the gas and came home to rest before night service and watched an old movie with the boys.  Upon arrival at Church that evening it looked like I might have to leave and bring the boys home as Noah's bowel issue struck again and we had nothing with us to fix this issue.  But I just knew I was to be there and finally figured out a way to make it work and he ended up in Jeremiah's pants and Jeremiah wrapped in a blanket in his Wheelchair so noone could tell he only had on a diaper!  lol  

Anyway worship was again amazing!  And words spoken during worship really really spoke to my heart!  It was said by my friend to the congregation about how God reached down and saved her when she was unlovable!  How God loved her because she was fearfully and wonderfully made and He saw in her what she herself could not see!  BAM!  That was so needed by my heart!  I have heard before about speaking things that are not as if they are!  I have done it!  But usually not for ME!  God has been orchastrating events of late to speak directly to me about me!  Kinda overwhelming!  Then Peter Wyns preached about Abounding in Blessings!  Another wonderful message with lots of nuggets for Bobby and I! :)  I know the Lord will reveal more and more to me as I study my notes from both messages!

Then the time came where there would be prayer!  Now so those of you who were not there will know our Church is not a tiny church but a fairly good size.  Peter had said that they would pray over EVERY person in the buidling that wanted prayer!  They did not know the needs of any of us short of revelation from God!  When it came our families turn for prayer and he prayed over Bobby and I the prayers were so spot on for every area of our lives!  He had instructed us all to not to pray when he was praying for us!  That was so hard for me because usually when someone starts praying for me I pray as well or at least say yes and amen and such even if lowly!  I had to catch myself a few times to stop me!  He did pray specifically for healing while his hands were on Bobby and I and he prayed for breaking off of generational curses and all curses ever spoken over us!  HUGE FOLKS!  to me that was huge!  he did not pray the same thing over every family he came to either so I know these were things the Lord led him to pray!  Now I did not have this huge moment at the time he prayed where I felt the heart disease come out of me or anything like I think I was expecting but I did agree with all he was saying and I felt completely submitted to God and His will.  I could not stop crying!  and the fear for the morning was still there!  So then I am frustrated yet again with myself because now I am a doubting Thomas who is allowing fear back in the way. 

I can not even express to you how much fear I had as I went into the heart cath!  I was LITERALLY shaking sooo bad.  They were like we are sorry it is so cold in here.  I was like it is not cold it is FEAR!  I was saying over and over God did NOT give me a spirit of fear but of power and love and a sound mind!  I kept saying when I am afraid I will trust in YOU!  and talking and singing to myself and the fear continued!  It did not hit me till this moment as I type how significant the fear is now.  In the past fear of surgery at the last second made me chicken out and stop a surgery!  If I was not more afraid of the blockage and heart disease I was diagnosed with then the enemy bringing fear on me might have worked but I kept saying I have to trust God!  I even told God I was sorry that I did NOT want to go to heaven right now!  I admitted I felt like a bad Christian but I want to live and see my kids grow up, see them marry, see grandkids, etc.  I KNOW where I am going but I am not ready and I was begging God that His will be for it to NOT be my time to come to Him!  All I was focused on was living through the procedure and coming out with only stints and not needing the bypass.  And my focus was to get a handle on my heart disease before it took me young so I could outlive my dad and granddaddy.  

So I must tell you the overwhelming feeling that came over me when I was alert enough to remember and I was told that the my heart looked "wonderful'!!!  WONDERFUL people!!!!  The Dr. said that there was NO blockages whatsoever!  It was pink and healthy!  My heart is NOT the heart of a 340 pound woman!  My heart was fit!  My heart was NOT the heart of a woman with blockages!  My heart was NOT the heart of a woman told she had the heart disease gene hereditarily from her dad and her grandad!  My heart is healthy!!!!  the ONLY thing in my heart is Christ!!!!!!  well and blood and stuff that is suppose to be there!  I got WAY  WAY WAY more than I deserved!  I got WAY WAY more than I ever dreamed!  GOD 100 percent totally and completely healed me!  He removed blockages!  He removed heart disease!  Bobby said the dr said there is NO WAY I had the hereditary heart disease and my heart look this good!  

I KNOW there will be people who do not believe in God who will say the dr's were wrong!  I PROMISE YOU they were not wrong!  GOD HEALED ME!  HE RESTORED MY HEART!  He gave me a NEW  heart!!  I fully believe that more than just my heart was healed by God!  I believe all that I am was healed!!!  I believe the obesity is gone!!!  I think the healing of my heart was the first step to the obesity being healed!!!   My heart is STRONG!  ME!!!  I still can't believe it!  I do not associate any part of me with being strong but I have medical proof that this 340 lb woman's heart is STRONG and HEALTHY!  I am healed of heart disease, blockages, and obesity!  NOW I will walk it out!  I AM NEW!

 This journey has always been about a journey to a better me with God!!  I have to make sure God is in this more and more!  God wants me to do this with HIM!  He is healing and changing me from the inside out!  When I get to work out again I may feel like I am dying but I am not!  MY HEART is strong!!!!  So much changed in me this week that I can't even begin to explain it all to you!  I just ask that whether you believe I was healed or not that you will please just wait and watch!!!!!  I think my transformation into the butterfly has just gotten a HUGE jumpstart by  Almighty God!!!!  

So I have 5 days of no lifting!  Boy I must say it is harder than I thought it would be to not be able to lift anything more than 5 lbs!  Praising God that I have my wonderful daughter to help me this week because with Jeremiah's tone I can't really do ANYTHING for him because it is so strong to pull his arms or legs out to change him or anything.  It is hard to mind the dr. but I do not want this artery to bust open so I will be good!  My wrist and my arm hurt but I am so happy and blessed to know that the Lord used me to perform a creative miracle that is about all I can think about! :)  I will say this I am so anxious to get back to the gym so waiting till next week is going to be hard! I want to thank everyone for their prayers and good thoughts for me during all this!!  If you have ever doubted there is a God, please let this show you there is!!!  And if you believe in God but think He is not in the business of healing and miracles anymore... you are wrong...HE IS!!!!


My life said...

Amen! It is so awesome all of the things God is doing! I rejoice with you my sister! Woo hoo!

Robin said...

Great news!