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Monday, July 16, 2012

It's only a number right!?! July 16, 2012 update

Yesterday was such an amazing day and the Lord just so spoke loudly to me and so many amazing things happened in me!  So, I guess it should not surprise me that today is not such a great one.  So I am trying to tell myself today that this picture is true.  That the number on the scale does not determine my worth.  Trying to tell myself not to be upset today.  This post will share the facts and maybe some of the feelings.  Who knows.  Facts are this weigh in is very bad.  Fact is there may be things contributing to it but the fact is it is still bad.  Yes I am very swollen in my knees, feet and ankels.  Yes I am dealing with some bowel issues that could contribute to some of this, and Yes it may not be all accurate but the fact is , it is the number for the weigh in and I have to deal with it. :(  So here you go folks.


Loss for the week: - +10 lbs
Starting weight: 345 lbs
Current weight: 325lbs
Total loss to date: 25 lbs
Total Percentage Lost: 7.2 %
BMI: 51.6
Pounds left to loose: 175


I am totally devestated that I am 10 lbs up. TEN in one week seems insane and like I said there is alot of stuff going on in my body lately that I am sure that some of it is from that and it is not totally all true gain but either way you look at it I am still up 10 lbs and have no only lost 25 lbs in 200 days.  That is 28 weeks at this and so less than a pound a week.  Granted it is still LESS and I am trying to cling to that but part of me is just not handling this well and feels defeated and like maybe there is no point in trying.  I was vegging on facebook today and saw a friend had posted this picture and I it jumped out at me.  I need to listen to this!


Now getting myself to believe it may be another matter but yes I guess the fact that I have not gained it all back when so many of the things have been out of my control to make this journey downward continue to happen is good, and even just maintaining the loss would have been better than this huge gain.  It is the 2nd big gain I have had during this 28 weeks.  UGGH.  I do wonder if this has something to do with my medications and not taking them the right way because of stretching them and all but anyway I am still very disappointed in myself.  



I loved this when I saw it!  I know I am way bigger than this lady but I am still a little bit smaller than I was 28 weeks ago.  Sigh I keep telling myself that I have started this and I can't quit but honestly I feel like at times it is just not going to happen and some people are just meant to be this way.


for now I am clinging to this and saying I will try again!  I wont give up but I must say I am overwhelmed wit the thought of if I can't keep this gong good for 28 weeks how am I gonna do it for 2 + years to actually be able to beat this super morbid obesity.  Please continue to hold our family in prayer.  Bobby is doing great with his training at the railroad which is wonderful! :)  He got his first paycheck which allowed us to get a couple of cut off things taken care off.  It is going to be a slow process back and one of those situations where things get worse before they get better, but it is nice to know an end is in sight for all of the struggling and of course we are so blessed to look back and see that the Lord has kept us afloat when if you look at the facts of the finaces and all should have been totally impossible and much worse than even what we are going through at this point!  

Please pray for me personally as I battle some internal things and thoughts and feelings.  Pray I can keep gong on this journey to me.  Pray I can allow myself to be open to those the Lord has put in my life and not run because they are getting to close.  And that I can be open to all God wants to do in and through me.  
Until next week


3 comments:

The Family K. said...

If you're eating well and trying to be as active as possible considering everything going on, I have to wonder if there's something medical behind this week's numbers. Does your doctor have any insights?

I really encourage you not to give up! There are going to be weeks like these. This is just one of them. You are still below where you were a year ago, and don't forget the ultimate goal is to make a lifestyle overhaul, not just see different numbers, as you said. Every day is a new day. Don't live in the past :)

doorless said...

I too am on a weight loss journey and can identify with you I weigh 243 pounds and want to get down to 150. So far only lost 20 pounds since Feb. I have also had weeks with a large gain and it is usually water weight!
You can do this one day at a time. and slowly is the best way as you need to learn good eating habits and keep eating that way the rest of your life.
God can get you through this.

Robin said...

The journey you are on is not an easy one. Just remember that we are all cheering you on and the end result is a healthy Mama to 3 beautiful children. Next week is a new week.