Monday Weigh In July 23, 2012

So I have moved my official weigh in day to Monday's.  I just do not want my focus first thing on Sunday Morning to be weighing in, but rather preparing my heart and mind for the day of worship ahead.  Here is this week's weigh in results.

Loss for the week: - 4 lbs

Starting weight: 345 lbs
Current weight: 316 lbs
Total loss to date: 29 lbs

Total Percentage Lost: 8.4 %

BMI: 51

Pounds left to loose: 171

I am happy for a loss, not happy that I have not lost all I gained last week.  In alot of pain this past week and still today.  I am not speaking Fibro Flare up because I just dont have time.  

I keep telling myself this above!!!  I do hear myself saying that and feel it inside.  So at times I feel like I am battling myself in this journey.  I know I can't do it alone, but I have God and friends to support me.  I have to hold on and fight to live.  And remember what I am fighting for!

It will be worth it!  and I have come far.  granted only 29 lbs since Dec 29th is not great, BUT I am still smaller than then!  Healthier than then, smarter than then, etc.  

I had 2 big motivation boosters this week.  Yesterday at Church I jumped in worship a little.  I was so into the worship and what I felt in side and started jumping.  My huge body slamming on my knees and back and neck being jarred by all this weight.  Lets just say agony interupted my worship! :(  NOT GOOD :(  I even more want this weight gone so I can worship and completely go with what I feel in my heart and spirit and not be hampered by my body! The dr said that the weight is way more on my knees even than what the scale shows!  Got to get this off and KEEP IT OFF!

and secondly my desire to get my BMI in line with China Adoption rules has really really really increased!  I now someday we will go back to Taiwan too, but I KNOW we are going to china and during this time of our family gettin back on our feet and then saving funds it is my time to get this weight off and be acceptable to china!  I want to go where the Lord sends me for children and not have to turn away from waiting children because of my weight!  NO we are not looking at adopting again right this minute!  But God has confirmed we are far from done!  Right now it is my time to get healthy to care for our current family and the children of our hearts to come! :)  And to get back on our feet.  Bobby gets his first full check this week!  I will be able to fill my van up with gas!  Which means starting friday I should be able to go back to the gym 2 to 3 days a week!  Maybe more if gas and childcare work out at other times.  I am blessed the Monday, Wed, Fri childcare worker at the gym is willing to watch Jeremiah as well as Noah :)  Once gas and childcare are out of the way then I can go back!  I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I miss workin out there and the ortho has said NO WALKING, no TREADMILL ( course I dont have one anyway), no stairs or jarring.  His orders for now are LOTS of elliptical and lots of weight training, slowly building up the weights I can do !  So I am very excited for this! :)  When the schedule works for bobby to be here for my 5:30 water class I hope to go to that some to but it wont be a regular thing.  Anyway I am thankful that things are improving and obstacles are being removed!  

It's only a number right!?! July 16, 2012 update

Yesterday was such an amazing day and the Lord just so spoke loudly to me and so many amazing things happened in me!  So, I guess it should not surprise me that today is not such a great one.  So I am trying to tell myself today that this picture is true.  That the number on the scale does not determine my worth.  Trying to tell myself not to be upset today.  This post will share the facts and maybe some of the feelings.  Who knows.  Facts are this weigh in is very bad.  Fact is there may be things contributing to it but the fact is it is still bad.  Yes I am very swollen in my knees, feet and ankels.  Yes I am dealing with some bowel issues that could contribute to some of this, and Yes it may not be all accurate but the fact is , it is the number for the weigh in and I have to deal with it. :(  So here you go folks.

Loss for the week: - +10 lbs

Starting weight: 345 lbs
Current weight: 325lbs
Total loss to date: 25 lbs

Total Percentage Lost: 7.2 %

BMI: 51.6

Pounds left to loose: 175

I am totally devestated that I am 10 lbs up. TEN in one week seems insane and like I said there is alot of stuff going on in my body lately that I am sure that some of it is from that and it is not totally all true gain but either way you look at it I am still up 10 lbs and have no only lost 25 lbs in 200 days.  That is 28 weeks at this and so less than a pound a week.  Granted it is still LESS and I am trying to cling to that but part of me is just not handling this well and feels defeated and like maybe there is no point in trying.  I was vegging on facebook today and saw a friend had posted this picture and I it jumped out at me.  I need to listen to this!

Now getting myself to believe it may be another matter but yes I guess the fact that I have not gained it all back when so many of the things have been out of my control to make this journey downward continue to happen is good, and even just maintaining the loss would have been better than this huge gain.  It is the 2nd big gain I have had during this 28 weeks.  UGGH.  I do wonder if this has something to do with my medications and not taking them the right way because of stretching them and all but anyway I am still very disappointed in myself.  

I loved this when I saw it!  I know I am way bigger than this lady but I am still a little bit smaller than I was 28 weeks ago.  Sigh I keep telling myself that I have started this and I can't quit but honestly I feel like at times it is just not going to happen and some people are just meant to be this way.

for now I am clinging to this and saying I will try again!  I wont give up but I must say I am overwhelmed wit the thought of if I can't keep this gong good for 28 weeks how am I gonna do it for 2 + years to actually be able to beat this super morbid obesity.  Please continue to hold our family in prayer.  Bobby is doing great with his training at the railroad which is wonderful! :)  He got his first paycheck which allowed us to get a couple of cut off things taken care off.  It is going to be a slow process back and one of those situations where things get worse before they get better, but it is nice to know an end is in sight for all of the struggling and of course we are so blessed to look back and see that the Lord has kept us afloat when if you look at the facts of the finaces and all should have been totally impossible and much worse than even what we are going through at this point!  

Please pray for me personally as I battle some internal things and thoughts and feelings.  Pray I can keep gong on this journey to me.  Pray I can allow myself to be open to those the Lord has put in my life and not run because they are getting to close.  And that I can be open to all God wants to do in and through me.  

Until next week

2 weeks updates July 7, 2012

So I did not post last week on Sunday July1, 2012 because I did not have internet.  I almost posted on the 3rd when I had Internet back because that was 6 months since I joined Fitness Lady, but the day got away from me so I just decided to do it tonight while I had time.  So below you will see the weigh in for this week and last week.  

Loss for the week: - 1.2 lbs

Starting weight: 345 lbs
Current weight: 310 lbs
Total loss to date: 35 lbs

Total Percentage Lost: 10.1 %

BMI: 50

Pounds left to loose: 165

So , last week I had the loss of 1.2 lbs which was shocking after being at the hospital and not being able to exercise other than what I could do in the hospital room.  I had kinda expected a gain but was happy to have a loss! This week I did not gain but did not loose.  Stayed exactly the same.  

I am trying to do as this says above and take pride in how far I have come and have faith in how far I can go.   I am thrlled I have lost 35 pounds in 6 months.  It is more than I have ever lost before so that is huge for me! Should and could I have lost more in 6 months time, YES!  But I will take this as be happy with it!  

This is where I am right now!  Having to look at my purpose in this world, in my life, in this journey to a better me, etc.  Things are not going the past month or so as I would have liked but life happens and you have to keep trying and not give up.  Our financial situation has gotten to a point that I can't get to the gym, or even Church much at all.  I even took a week of the kids therapy which I hated.  I tell you this to ask for prayers for my mind during this time.  I know it will pass soon as we get caught up on things that got so far behind and then I will be able to go back to my plan for things in my life, but for now I am learning to be happy with where I am :)  I will say I have had some amazing one on one time with God at times I would have been at Church or at the gym or off doing whatever in town had I had gas for the van.  I would not trade these times with the Lord for anything!  I also had some wonderful time with my family during all this down time too :)  

Please also pray for my pain levels, my knees, my back, and my one shoulder that is getting much much worse.  I have an appointment with Ortho on friday of this week.  I just can't take the pain anymore as it is getting worse and worse in the shoulder and the knees and back are bad again.  It has affected my working out at home as well so I was really worried about weighing in this week. Anyway, that is things here with me.