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Thursday, February 12, 2009

Feeling Fatter by the second :(

ok, so I am feeling fatter adn fatter :( I decided to weigh on the house scale today to kinda see where it was in relation to doc scale. I weighed 317.2 on home scale and at the doc was 314. WHAT usually home scale is less than doc so now I am freakin out :( ugggh It does appear I am just getting bigger and bigger and bigger :( ugggh makes no since. I feel hopeless in some ways about alot of things. I mean I am so totally blessed with the most amazing Son and Daughter and hubby and I am so thankful for that! but its me I dont like, its me that feels out of control. its me that feels overwhelmed cuz I can't keep things in my home in order. Celeste, Noah and I will be traveling in less than a week and I am so excited to just get away. I think most of the hotels have gyms in them if I can take Noah in there with me maybe in stroller or whatever. Anyway I think Celeste and I will enjoy that :) She actually wants us to join a gym together and I woudl ADORE that if we can A: afford it, and B: find one that Noah can sit in stroller while I do it. One close to the house is open 24 hours and we might could do late at night and put him in stroller and he would sleep. I know taht when I was going to fitness lady the elliptical was so good for me because my knees were not an issue. Bobby wants to work out too with us so tha tis good. Money is such an issue but we will see what we can see :) I need to come up wiht more things I can do that don't involve my knees and back and all. I am not really sure why I am posting today other than I just feel so yuck about everything and part of me feels like it is hopeless and why bother. I mean in 40 years I have just gotten bigger and bigger :( It sucks being the BIGGEST person I know and what really sucks is when others around me eat more and eat worse stuff and I am gross and they are not. ok shutting up now!






Here are some pics of me with my baby boy! I hate how I look in them but in case there is ever weight loss I need documentation of how big I was and I don't want him to ever think Mama was not around in his life. My dd is 20 and there are VERY few pics of her with ME in them cuz of my hating to see myself :(


He has the cutest grin :) LOVE this guy!


This was at the hospital yesterday before his surgery! He was loopy! :)



Here we are with Bobby on the 9th on his birthday. Noah was not wanting his picture made! We were saying chese and he was goin eeeeeeee but it meant let me down! heehee

6 comments:

JSB Hollinger said...

Tami,
Please don't get so discouraged. We have to stop looking at the bad, that is what the devil wants. To shackle us with discouragement so won't be able to move forward. I sure don't want that for you. Find something you CAN do, and do it. Each day, find what you can do to change your lifestyle to a healthy lifestyle. Even if it means reading and learning about it. I try and eat one or two raw salads a day, and look for healthy recipes to cook for supper. I try to keep my eyes on what I can do, and not the 122 pounds I have to loose. If I kept my eyes on that, oh Lord....I would get so crippled. We are going to do this Tami! Buddies right???

Natalie said...

Tami,
You are inspiring me, with your courage to go public with your weight stuggles! Don't be discouraged, the Lord is with you and He wants you to be healthy and to take care of yourself. I too have been at an all time high and do get discouraged about all I need to do to get to a healthy weight. You are not alone, my friend, and I know that lots of people will be praying for you in this.

For some of us, it is just a life long struggle, which seems so unfair, but perhaps it will help us to be better parents to our children who may also be facing lifelong struggles f various sorts.

If you can survive the rigors and waiting of the long-term process that is international adoption, then I know you can do this too.

Blessings,
Natalie (RR)

Lindsey's mom said...

Tammie
Keep the faith. I have been doing aerobics for about 2 months and lost about 6lbs. FRUSTRATING!!! Keep the faithl..even if you can just go walking with Noah in the stroller. GO for 20minutes...then increase the time. DOnt worry about how fast you go..just work on duration.

Cindy said...

Tami - hey its Cindy. I'm so with you here. The steroids that they are giving me with my chemo are making me blow up like a balloon. :(( I've just got to find a way to counteract it. I'm not having much luck so far though as I end up eating what I shouldn't on chemo weeks to quell the nausea.

Anyway, have you done metabolic body typing yet? If not, you must to effectively loose weigh. Any good nutrionalist can help you with this or you can get a lot of info on the internet. Till you do that though you won't know whether you should low fat or low carb or whatever. That's the reason that so many diets fail. People really try to do it right, but end up eating what puts the weight on them!

A couple of tips from someone who didn't know a flip abt nutrition six months ago but who is now immersed in it:
1. No sugar
2. No aspartame - also known as Equal and interestingly enough in the process of being banned in three states because of its toxicity
3. No Splenda - also poison. Did you know that the FBI an dCIA will not allow their people to use it -hmmm, leaves you with the warm fuzzies doesn't it? Even my very traditional doc recoils in horror if you say Splenda or Aspartame.
4. Sweeten lightly with honey, maple syrup or molasses. Your body prcoesses these differently from sugar.
5. Stay away from processed food as much as possible (not always possible)
6. NO genetically engeneered foods
7. Keep dairy low (except yogurt)- goat's milk is better - yuck gag, gag
8. Eat high fiber, preferrably from veggies and fruits
9. Cut waaay down on beef, fish is best, chicken next
10. Drink at least a galloon of water a day
11. Processed white flour is no good - switch to an unbleached whole grain

TMI? write me privately if you want to talk.
sahmiam1@embarqmail.com

In His peace - Cindy
MoM(Mom of Many)

Cindy said...

Tami - hey its Cindy. I'm so with you here. The steroids that they are giving me with my chemo are making me blow up like a balloon. :(( I've just got to find a way to counteract it. I'm not having much luck so far though as I end up eating what I shouldn't on chemo weeks to quell the nausea.

Anyway, have you done metabolic body typing yet? If not, you must to effectively loose weigh. Any good nutrionalist can help you with this or you can get a lot of info on the internet. Till you do that though you won't know whether you should low fat or low carb or whatever. That's the reason that so many diets fail. People really try to do it right, but end up eating what puts the weight on them!

A couple of tips from someone who didn't know a flip abt nutrition six months ago but who is now immersed in it:
1. No sugar
2. No aspartame - also known as Equal and interestingly enough in the process of being banned in three states because of its toxicity
3. No Splenda - also poison. Did you know that the FBI an dCIA will not allow their people to use it -hmmm, leaves you with the warm fuzzies doesn't it? Even my very traditional doc recoils in horror if you say Splenda or Aspartame.
4. Sweeten lightly with honey, maple syrup or molasses. Your body prcoesses these differently from sugar.
5. Stay away from processed food as much as possible (not always possible)
6. NO genetically engeneered foods
7. Keep dairy low (except yogurt)- goat's milk is better - yuck gag, gag
8. Eat high fiber, preferrably from veggies and fruits
9. Cut waaay down on beef, fish is best, chicken next
10. Drink at least a galloon of water a day
11. Processed white flour is no good - switch to an unbleached whole grain

TMI? write me privately if you want to talk.
sahmiam1@embarqmail.com

In His peace - Cindy
MoM(Mom of Many)

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