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Saturday, April 25, 2015

Weigh In Saturday April 25, 2014/New Beginning AGAIN

 A New Beginning AGAIN!

Today's Weigh in:
350 lbs
Loss: none
BMI: 56.5
Starting weight AGAIN: 350 lbs 
Goal weight 125 lbs

So I am officially back at my top weight, not that I lost anything significant or for any amount of time.  Many "goals" in mind for myself at this point but I guess the biggest short term goal is to loose over 30 lbs and then KEEP loosing.  

That is a huge thing for me at this point.  Being able to find a way to loose period, to actually get RID of weight.  I do not want it back ever again!  I need to peel the layers of this shell around me off so that God can use me!  Use me for my kids, Use me for my husband, Use me for orphans, Use me to help hurting girls and women, Use me to serve at my Church, Use me for the kingdom!  I feel like the weight and the wall or shell it puts around me is affecting way more of my life that I realized.  I want to come back here in a few months and read this and have made true progress, that does not leave again!  The physical healing I believe is going to come from internal spiritual and emotional healing.  I KNOW the Lord has healed me of so much!  I do NOT discount that bondage He brought me out of, but I think these layers of super morbid obesity hold some more things inside that need healed for HIM!  and for me!  And if you have been here awhile and are reading this first of all THANK YOU! Secondly I know you are thinking here we go again.  I NEED your prayer so that this AGAIN is THE AGAIN that sticks!  

This blog is about becoming a better me! And for the most part that is through getting healthy, loosing weight and becoming functional physically.  But it is about more than that.  It is about being a better me period.  I know that one of the steps in that is being able to use my words.  Being able to lay down fears, thoughts, pain, shame, etc are all steps towards being useable!  So in addition to the weight loss prayers I am asking for this week I am asking for prayer that I can move towards not hiding me, not hiding thoughts and feelings, not hiding what God has healed me from, and not hiding in my heart scars that are visible and I thought I was hiding.  

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