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Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Update and prayer

Just wanted to give a mini update and ask for prayer.  Weight wise I am at 338 this week.  Feelings of total failure seem to loom heavy on me.  God is doing so many things in my lately and I know I am changing and becoming a better me on the inside but the outside is not following suit.  This week at Church I was in tears because I can't worship as I feel because of my body.  I can't jump I can't really dance and can't stand at times the whole time.  Battling anger at myself.  Failure is all I hear in my head.  

on to prayer.  We have been presented with an opportunity we were told would never come with our insurance.  I have been selected to be part of a study on how weight loss surgery affects medical costs and thereby am being offered a weight loss surgery by my insurance.  I leave town tomorrow afternoon to go down to Baton Rouge and on thursdy at 8 am I will go through the first screening towards the surgery.  If I pass that then I will come home and a few days later do a 2 week liquid diet and then go back to BR in about 2 or 3 weeks for a second screening.  If I pass that as well and go to any dr appts or tests they feel necessary with the 2 screenings then all my information will go to a surgical medical review board and they will determine what surgery they feel is the best for me.  It will be either lap band/ gastirc sleeve/or gastric bypass.  I will not have a choice.  They choose.  At that point we meet the surgeon here locally and begin discussing dates.  by that point we have to know for sure if we are gong to move forward with me having the surgery!  I am going up and down with this in my mind.  I know things have come a long way in recent years and there are TONS of success cases of each kind of surgery and also I am sure tons of horror stories, some of which I have been told.  My husband is concerned I am in intiment danger to stay at my current weight.  either way it scares me that my weight is putting me in the position to NEED to loose in order to stay alive.  I am upset with myself but that is not doing me any good so why be upset!  I keep thinking why is this so hard and then it came to me that if my thin friends that are so stong and healthy had to go through a day with a 200 lb person laying on there body how much would they acchomplish in daily life much less exercise and running and such.  I would bet not much.  So I can see that and I can see WHY it is so hard for me to function but its almost like I need the weight gone so I can do the exercise and active lifestyle that I need in order to get rid of the weight.  anyway please be praying we make the right decision and the LORD will guide us in what to do.

1 comment:

Sarah Maples said...

You have a disease called obesity!! Would you be so hard on yourself if you had cancer? NO!! I was 315 at my heaviest and now weigh about 165. I had gastric bypass almost 4 years ago and wouldn't change my mind about it if given the chance. You need surgery! You need to she'd the weight quickly for that "fresh start" so to speak!! If you're approved, you'd be silly not to do it. The recovery is about the same for all the procedures unless they can't do it laparoscopically. That was my fear having 4 small kids at the time. Keep us posted!