New Year, New Me, better Me???? PRAYERFULLY

Hi all

for those that are still following Hello and I know you have heard this from me before so you are probably already thinking oh dear, she says she is gonna loose weight again.  Well, sorta yes.  I am PRAYING to loose or at the very least NOT GAIN anymore.  I am praying to pray more about what I do before I do it in all aspects of my life, be it eating, exercise, or any aspect of my day. To be intentional about allowing GOD direct my life. And to get healthier and let GOD direct that too. PRAY I dont die! LOL we ordered some body gospel work out dvd's. I was SHOCKED Bobby agreed to get them as we are having to make it in 2 payments but I guess he thought investing in our health was a good thing.  They are all to praise music and there is prayer in them and they put GOD at the center of your workout! Now for me working out is gonna be an issue period between my massive size, my bad knees, and other painful issues,  but I am determined to do the best I can. Bobby says he is going to do them with me which will be fun when he does. and I figure even if I can't do them all, or the way the ones on there are doing I can worship and MOVE in some way even if some has to be in my chair. Little by little maybe I will be stronger!  I figure Noah will try to at least jump around and praise while its all going on :)  heehee and Jeremiah LOVES music and laughter and I am sure I will be laughing at myself quite a bit!  LOL 

Also praying for an elliptical to fall from the sky! LOL May sound funny but if God can bridge the ocean TWICE and send all the funds for these 2 boys adoption then an elliptical is nothing! LOL  It is the machine I used so much at Fitness Lady before Noah came home and I did loose some weight with it but the biggest thing was I gained strength and stamina and just did better overall.  I was healthier when Noah came home than I think I have been in years before or since. 

Weight, well that is a sad thing to admit.  Last year my goal was to loose 10 in 2010 .  Well, I did that, BUT gained it and more with it back.  I can use excuses and Jeremiah's journey with all the fundraising, and the trip and the hospital as excuses I suppose but does it really matter?  sad thing is I am bigger now than then.  To be honest I don't know my weight :(  Either my scale is psycho or I outweigh its maximum because I stand on it and it says E.  I know in he past I have weighed 330 on it so I am assuming I am more than that, but no clue how much more.  I am praying about buying a nice scale that goes up higher so I KNOW where I am at but again expense is an issue.  Course with all he sales right now who knows. 

IF you are following along PLEASE share and let me know.  I hate to say it but I soo NEED to support and encouragement and to feel that someone cares that I get healthier, that I feel better, that I look better.  I am praying about sharing some of the really hard/ TMI things about being super morbidly obese (the category I have been in for awhile now) but am not sure what folks will think of that.  Sometimes lately especially I cry my eyes out about some of what I am physically dealing with because of my weight.  I gross myself out.  Joyce Meyer said during a program the other day.  STOP telling yourself bad and negative things, STOP looking at yourself as YOU see yourself and look at what GOD SEES INSIDE.  She said if you speak the negative enough you become it.  200 lbs ago I said I was fat.  I wasn't then but boy am I now.  So yup my words had power.  Now I am not saying if I say I am thin it will happen, lol would be nice though but I am also striving for emotional and spiritual heathy in this journey.  I have to find tihngs in me God sees as good and focus on those as I work to improve the ouside and th enot good things about me.  the biggest thing in me is JESUS is there.  So at the core HE IS IN ME.  This workout program we have ordered puts GOD at the core of your workout, well if HE is in me, what better thing to do!  I am also signed up to do a Boss Your Heart 2011 Bible Challenge in honor of my friend Lorraine's sweet Chrissie who is now dancing before Jesus in Heaven.  THIS will be a huge part in a new and better me!  We are visiting a Church that we have decided God has said THIS IS IT and will be joining it soon.  It is so hard for me to go and do and be the biggest person whereever we go :(  I feel like everyone hates me and its hard but I also KNOW I need Church, I NEED worship, I NEED fellowship, I NEED friends. 

Another motivator for me is that in August I will get to meet some DEAR friends in person for the first time ever.  I am PRAYING that as many as possible of them are coming cuz I want to meet them all.  We will be attending the Taiwan ROCks Family Reunion with as many other familes that have adopted from Taiwan as we can gather :)  It will be at Great Wolf Lodge with an indoor water park.  can you say EEEK for a super morbidly obese woman to be at a water park.  It is bad enough to meet them all for the first time in clothes but SWIMMING SUITS!  EEK lol  So I realize I am not gonna be skinny by August, BUT I can be better lookin than I am now. lol  and the BIGGEST thing is I want to FEEL BETTER, BE STRONGER, and have MORE STAMINA to enjoy the time playing and visiting with everyone in addition to caring for my family at a resort! :)  This is HUGE for our family to take a real vacation and we are starting to save now!  It will be so worth it all and we plan to somehow attend every year no matter where it is located.  How fun, a vacation every year and get to spend time with other families with children from Taiwan! :)  WIN WIN! 

well, I have so babbled on here, I hope someone read at all and that someone finished!  lol

PLEASE be praying for me!
Thanks