defeated

defeated... the only word I can come up with to share my journey at this point.  I have not weighed in weeks and to be honest I fear I am bigger than even my start weight so I guess I should weigh to find out.  I am not tracking and the gym has not been working out lately.  Life has happened again.  I can't seem to do life correctly and do the journey at the same time.  Pretty much feel like I am failing at both at this point.  if you have walked this journey to health and weightloss and hit this defeated place and came out of it please share with me how you did and what you did.  I have been on my face , a ugly snotty bawling face, before the Lord so much over me lately..  just almost deleted this blog.  when I think how long its been here and how I am still here in this place..still the biggest person in every room I walk in..still not healthy..still not able to jump and worship the Lord in abandon and I think maybe some journeys are just not meant to be walked by all people. I hear so much anyone can do this.  for me that does not seem to be possible.  i swore i would be honest on here and right now this is bold face honest where I am and what I am feeling.  trapped in this huge body that is me.  and in much need of prayer.. if your reading...thank you