Tami's journey to a better me with HIM!

Weekly Weigh In Update # 8 What a week!!!

2012-02-19T15:16:00.000-06:00

It's Sunday, my weekly weigh in day. So much I have learned this week and have made many milestones this week, some weight related, some exercise related and some other.

Loss for the week: - 4.4 lbs

Starting weight: 345 lbs
Current weight: 323.8 lbs
Total loss to date: 21.2 lbs

Total Percentage Lost: 6.14 %
BMI: 52.3
Pounds left to loose: 178.8

I was quite excited to see my loss this week on the scale! It is showing that even with some messups in the long run I am still going down and in the right direction! :) So this week's loss brings me to a total loss of:

21.2 lbs!!!! That is 2 10 lb bag of potatoes and a 1 lb hunk of butter! GONE! No longer on this heart, these lungs, these joints! Woohoo! This is so exciting for me for several reasons!!!!! First of all it helps me to reach and exceed my first weight watchers big goal!

There is 5 + percent less of me than there was 7 weeks and 3 days ago. 7 weeks seems like such a long time but I guess really its not that long, not quite 2 months. And if I had not been working towards getting healthier I would either have been the same weight or bigger at this point so I guess that is good.

The next goal I met was a goal of mine personally. I wanted to loose more than 20 lbs because I have lost 20 lbs before several times actually but then it goes no further. So now that I have lost 21.2 lbs I have officially lost more than I have ever lost before. The key now is to keep that 21.2 lbs off and keep loosing. I am wondering how long it will take to loose ANOTHER 21.2 lbs. :) and then another and another and so on till I have lost all 200. It was so cool to see 178.8 lbs left to loose! YES! I know that is still a TON of weight and much more than most of you reading this weigh to begin with but it is still less than 200 lbs left or even 180 lbs left. My next big weight watchers goal is to loose 10 % of my body weight which will put me at just over 310 lbs.

Thought I would share some of the trackers on my weight watchers online.

Was so cool to see a new milestone star up there! :)

hope you can see this! you might have to click it to make bigger, not sure. It is cool to see the graph going down! and kinda see the progression.

This will help me to see the little bits at a time adding up!

I saw this and thought about something Brianna Larson (Fitness Lady Personal Trainer) told me actually more than once since my journey has begun! I am so blessed to have her and Kedgy and staff helping me along on this journey! It hard at times to look at all these fit and gorgeous people all the time and then at me. And for me I am making huge strides but its hard to not get down when I still have more to loose than most people weigh to begin with! BUT I am trying to look at Tami and where she came from and nothing else. Speaking of Fitness Lady! Please go and like there facebook page HERE and then you can learn so many things when they post good information about women's health and fitness! No matter where you live you can still benefit from their wisdom! And follow along with me and all the great ladies that go there! And local friends, PLEASE come work out with me. I can get you a guest pass for a first time try and you can either come work out on machine's with me or go to a water class with me, or maybe even a floor class if I get brave and healthy enough! LOL

Another milestone for me this week was on the Elliptical! I started out on the elliptical about to die! lol and at times I still feel like I am goin to die but I got up to 30 minutes plus a 5 minute cool down this week! And I did it more than once! Strangely I was able to do it faster one day and burn more calories than another but I still did it! This coming week I get to meet with Kedgy to "shake things up" with my weight program so I am excited and a bit nervous about this. I thank God EVERY day for bringing Kedgy, Brianna and all of Fitness Lady staff and members into my life. They are a blessing to me and I pray to be one to them someday!

This is so true! I am NOTHING without Him! I am blogging and sharing my journey for many reasons. 1) I NEED the support, the feedback, the encouragement, and the friendship to make it through this journey. 2) so that maybe someday someone who was where I am will see this and see my journey and not feel alone, and not feel like it can't be done, and in some small way I can be of help to another woman! 3) As a record for me to see how far I have come, where I have failed, where I have succeeded, and that I am doing it. BUT in all of this I do NOT want it to appear it is all about me. It is all about HIM! Without Jesus I would be nowhere! Every breathe I take is a gift from the Lord above. As I am being transformed physically into a new creation in HIM I am also spiritually being transformed more and more and more. Part of the goal of all this is to live! To live to be a better mother to the children HE bridged the ocean to bring home to me, to the amazing woman of God HE honored me to give birth to and raise, to be a better wife to the man of God HE brought into my life, and to be a better daughter to HIM! To be able to serve Him better with the orphans of the world, in our local church, in our home, in any way that I can. All of it is for Him and from Him. I KNOW that I could not have lost this 21.2 lbs without Jesus! To God be the glory great things HE hath done! Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. John 1:3-4

Weigh in update #7~ It's about more than weight! Learning, learning, learning!

2012-02-12T14:51:00.000-06:00

Today is my weigh in day. Again I was worried about a gain, partly because there were some rough patches this week, partly because last night we went to a Mystery Dinner Theatre and they served some bbq. It was good at the time but by end of the night I felt very yucky and still feel very full and yucky today. BBQ does not usually affect me this way so not really sure what the deal is. Anyway I did not gain but also did not loose as much as I would have liked or even as WW recommends (1 to 2 lbs a week) but any loss is to be celebrated so again I celebrate every ounce!

Loss for the week: -.8 lbs (12. 8 ounces)
Starting weight: 345 lbs
Current weight: 328.2 lbs
Total loss to date: 16.8 lbs

Total Percentage Lost: 4.8%
BMI: 53
Pounds left to loose: 183.2

I had to find a way to show myself what I lost. So when I saw that it was 12.8 ounces I thought well what does 12 ounces of fat look like, above you see the 3 sticks of butter. that is 12 ounces so I lost slightly over that. That may not seem like alot but still that is that much off my heart, lungs , joints, etc. little baby steps!

So that brings me to 16.8 lbs lost total! I am soo close to loosing 5 % of my starting weight, my first WW goal and this is the second week I just knew I would do it and didnt. BUT it has been a week of learning alot.

The Amazing Kedgy Larson, owner of Fitness Lady, help a contest recently on the

Fitness Lady Facebook page. We were to put up a picture from our Christmas Family Celebration on the Facebook page and get friends and family to like Fitness Lady's page as well as our specific picture! The one with the most likes won! Thanks to so many of you I was the winner! I won some personal training from Kedgy! So this past week she had me start emailing her a journal of all food and drinks I consume each night. She asked me to try and find ways to add more fruits and vegetables to my diet. Not a big surprise she asked this, as that has always been a hard one for me. I have added some and am finding new ways to cook some of the veggies and learning so much from Kedgy! One tip, if you want a potato pair that with say salsa that has acid and peppers and that helps the parts of the potato that are not as good for you to be better. I love salsa and it is all veggies :) When the budget allows I am gonna buy up a bunch of ingrediants to make my homemade salsa! :) Anyway this has been awesome to have Kedgy and her amazing daughter Brianna to speak into my life. Everyone at fitness lady is so wonderful! Even if you are not local, you can like the Fitness Lady Facebook page by clicking one of the links in this post and follow along, they post all kinds of good information to help you learn more and more about taking good care of yourself! :)

Saturday at Fitness Lady I attended a Seminar all about heart disease in women. I KNEW I was at risk with the horrific family history issues we have, but boy was this seminar very eye opening. I am even more at risk than I realized. I also learned alot about symptoms to look for, things I should and shouldnt be doing, about cholesterol, stroke information and the list goes on. I will be calling my doctor this week to get a copy of my last blood work results and making an appointment to come in for more current results. I want to see if there may be any difference since December 29th when I started this journey back up! I am learning how to keep track of these numbers and that will be great to see how they change as I get healthier! If you have an opportunity to go to a seminar like this I highly recommend it. I am excited because Fitness Lady is having another free seminar March 3rd. This one on nutrition! Plus they have break out sessions from time to time and I try to hard to make them if it works out with childcare and all.

As yall know I am now drinking water! Well, this week's assignment with Kedgy is to drink even more water and less other things.

Also she is wanting me to get more low fat diary products into my diet! I ADORE milk and cheese, and I love string cheese, so now I have a good reason to treat myself that that when I get groceries! It is 1 ounce of good cheese! :) I am told goat cheese is very healthy, I just wish it was not soo expensive! So as I said so much learning going on this week! I am also reading alot of articles at Weight Watchers Online and that is helping me so much too! Lots of good recipes when I can get the ingredients! Also Brianna Larson, Fitness Lady personal trainer, has a blog I try and read and learn as much as I can from her too! Her blog is Flexible Billie Goat! If you click the name you can go there too! I am loving soaking up all I can from Brianna, Kedgy, WW, and anyplace I can. Knowledge is power, right! :)

So in closing this update, I may not have had a huge difference on the scale this week, BUT I am having a difference in my mind! And I am working on in my heart! Keeping it real I got so emotional the past few days, because while 16 lbs (now 16.8) is a loss and I guess in some ways it can be a big loss but when you started at 200 lbs overweight it seems like such a little bit, and it is so hard to think that I can keep this up for 2 plus years and reach my goal. It is emotional when I have been working soo hard and then still every room I go in, I am the biggest person in the room. I feel so out of place in the world. Finances are making some places that are far from our home impossible to go to as much and so that I think is affecting me in some ways. But I am realizing that I am needing to work on my one on one relationship with the Lord. HE is the one that is with me whether I am at home alone wishing I was at worship, or whether I am in a dr. office, therapy place, or on an elliptical. My goal is to find a way to have worship music while I am on elliptical, treadmill and bike! I am also learning to tell the Lord when I feel emotional when I walk into a room. It is hard to look at me as He sees me, inside all this weight. He gave me this body to be a good steward of it and I have NOT been, but I am working on it now. Somewhere inside is that body He gave me, somewhere inside is Tami. I am a tiny bit closer to her. As I work on the weight, the health, the eating, and even just doing things to take care of me that normal people do that I just dont even think of doing, etc I am needing to work more and more on the spiritual part of me deep inside.

So wish I was more talented and could make a signature line divider thing. I had someone make one for me one time for my other blog and would love one for here, but no clue how to do that! Anyway Thanks to all who are praying, following along and supporting me in this journey in any way shape or form! :) I NEED YOU GUYS! THANK YOU!

Weigh In Update #6 Hard week

2012-02-05T12:37:00.001-06:00

So I was very scared to weigh in today. It has been a very bad week, especially the past few days. LOTS of swelling and pain, lots of stress, and just some stuff I can't really share. And lots of bad food eaten. I had to go into weekly points but even on the worst day I did not loose them all which shocked me and I ate less than I would have in the past I guess but still bad choices. I can't say they were from being super hungry either, but from what was easier, or what we had. Not feeling like cooking and actually making something healthy or things going on that prevented it. I was scared I had gained and alot at that. I feel soo much fuller and fatter than even a week ago and also have not done as well on my water this week. Yesterday I drank a ton of water to try and flush out some of this swelling It is a bit less today. Anyway the weigh in was not as bad as I feared but I am still unhappy with myself. So anyway the weigh in is below.

Loss for the week: -.4 lbs (6 and half ounces)
Starting weight: 345 lbs
Current weight: 329 lbs
Total loss to date: 16 lbs

Total Percentage Lost: 4.6%

BMI: 53.1

Pounds left to loose: 184

So with only loosing .4 lbs that puts my total weight loss at 16 lbs! I have been told to celebrate every pound, and I guess in this case it would be ever .4 of a pound. I looked it up and that is 6 and half ounces. I guess it is still that much off my body. This is the smallest weight loss I have had but I am thankful it is still a loss and not a gain which I really deserved anyway! Well, its Sunday and a new day! HIS mercies are new EVERY morning praise God! Also Grocery Money comes tomorrow so I can pray about better ways to stretch it and do better with the shopping and meals and all.

So Bobby took my picture again this week in my new but too small swimsuit since my starting picture the first day at Fitness Lady was in my swim suit. This one is the same size but cut differently so it does not fit as well. :( I really can't see any change though the measurements to go along with the 16 lbs says there is change and a couple of people have said they see a change. Anyway, here are the pics.

The black and pink was me Jan 3rd on the way to first day of Fitness Lady! The Purple is me on Feb 3rd after 1 month at Fitness Lady. I dont really see the lost inches. Can't believe I am posting all these pics up here.

This is Feb 3rd and back and front. We did not do back pics on Jan 3rd. Today I thought we should do side pics too but I guess we will add that on March 3rd.

Thanks so much for all the support guys! This has been the hardest week since I started a true lifestyle change and it helps knowing you guys are here to support me even though it was such a tiny weight loss and shoulda coulda been a gain. Love yall!

Weigh In # 5 Dec 29th-January 29th Progress

2012-01-29T14:22:00.000-06:00

Today is my Weekly weigh in day! and my first monthly Measurements day!

Loss for the week: -2.2 lbs
Starting weight: 345 lbs
Current weight: 329.4 lbs
Total loss to date: 15.6 lbs
Total Percentage Lost: 4.5%
BMI: 53.2

Pounds left to loose: 184.4

I am excited that I have lost 15. 6 bls total! :) That is exciting to me. Getting closer to beating the amount I have ever lost before but even though not there yet I know I am doing it much better than ever before! And I am trying so hard to believe this time it is gone FOREVER!

I have added another new page to the blog! If you look above the ticker a

d below

the blog description you will see links to HOME, Tamijoy's exercise, and Tamijoy's measurements. I have put the starting and today's measurements on that page. HERE. I am putting a copy of it here for you to see today!

Date	Arms	Hips	Bust	Waist	Thighs	Dress
12/29/11	21 inches	67 inches	60 inches	56 inches	30 inches	30W
1/29/12	20 inches	64 inches	56 inches	54 inches	29 inches	28W
2/29/12
3/29/12
4/29/12
5/29/12
6/29/12
7/29/12
8/29/12
9/29/12
10/29/12
11/29/12
12/29/12
Totals	-1 inch	-3 inches	-4 inches	-2 inches	-1 inch	1 down

I was actually kinda shocked by some of the numbers and had Bobby help me measure a second and third time. I did not expect so much in bust hips and waist and thought I would have way more in the arms and legs. Just shows what I DONT know about things!

I am needing this reminder in alot of areas today! Thanks for following along guys!!!! I need all the help

I can get!

Why

2012-01-27T20:39:00.004-06:00

Exercise has not been a real part of my life since I had to stop Gymnastics when I was a young teen. I mean I have tried a few times but it never really lasted. I just really feel this time it will be different. I know that anyone who has followed my journey has NO REASON to believe me that this time will be different and at times I myself have a hard time believing it will be different but I have to hold onto that! I LOVE how I feel when I have done a good workout, when I have done something I have never done before and made actual progress! I pray I can remember that! I have been asked, WHY the blog, Why am I putting so much on here! Well, for a few reasons. 1) I NEED support so this is a good way for folks to know where I am in this journey and what I am doing and be my cheerleader along the way and offer tips and words of wisdom, etc. 2) I NEED to see the progress, I need to be able to remember from where I came. "I'm not where I need to be, but thank God I'm notwhere I used to be. I'm OK, and I'm on my way!" This is a quote from Joyce Meyer whose preaching I try to listen to everyday! This statement is so true for me in life and in my journey to a better me, to beating super morbid obesity, to learning to exercise and to really live. To finding me inside all this weight! This blog will help me to look back and remember that I have made progress even when it feels like I have not. A wise woman told me to compare myself to noone, but Tami. The Tami I was yesterday , or last week, or on day one at Fitness Lady, or before I got to Fitness lady. She also shared not to diminish my progress. Even a tiny bit is still progress. If I look at myself today I can so many tiny changes that are happening and improvements that are being made! Am I still super morbidly obese, YES, am I still the biggest person in every room I enter, YES, Am I still at major health risk, YES. BUT I am just a tiny bit less so of all those things than I was. 3) My hope and prayer is that in some small way my journey can help someone else, now or in the future. I am not sure that someone who has never been hundreds of pounds overweight can really understand what it feels like to be this way, to feel trapped in your own body. To feel like life is passing you by and you can't do anything about it. To be the biggest person in a room, in EVERY room. To be looked at with eyes of disgust and worse to be talked about as if you are deaf and can't hear what is being said. So someday there may be a lady out there that is wanting to try and beat this and will need to see that someone else did it, and will want to know someone else understands where they have been. Who will need to know that yes you can little by little trust people, the right people, who will come along and really care about you even though you are so big. I can remember thinking noone would ever care or understand what it was like to try and exercise when you are so big and unhealthy. And God sent me to Fitness Lady where they have been learning about helping people who are super morbidly obese. That really want to help and not just get a fitness center membership! I am blessed! Anyway I am sure there are other reasons but those are the 3 biggest reasons that I can share for those who ask. I pray folks will read and follow along and share with anyone they know that might be feeling some of the feelings I have and have had. and please please please comment, cheer me on, offer words of wisdom, share, and be my friend in journey!

Keeping it real! my hardest day at Fitness Lady yet, emotionally

2012-01-23T20:18:00.002-06:00

So thought I would share for anyone following this journey. I promised I would make it real so I need to share even the negative bad feelings. I am committing to stay positive as Bri asked me to so I hope by writing out my feelings here about this that I will be able to lay them down and get back to positive. I am sure in part today's feeling stem from very little sleep last night and havin to be up so early to take both babies for testing at hospital. Anyway, I headed to Fitness Lady and it was so good to get to be going again, did not get to friday, saturday or sunday cuz of scheduling and it was so upsetting to me to miss out. I am hoping to work that out this week to go FRI and Sat. Anyway back to today, I went to the gym and started out with a warm up on the Elliptical waiting for the trainer to have time for my last weight training session. I am in a line of ellipticals and totaly surrounded by thin, beautiful fit women! I can see me and them in the mirror and I am fighting back tears. For some reason it was just so hard and I felt so helpless. The positive thing I can find in this is that rather than just get down and leave and give up, I stayed. The trainer came up when I was at 6 and half minutes and said go to 7 and then she was ready for me. So did the 7 minutes and then my upper and lower body weights training. We added either 5 lbs or 5 reps to each exercise today. I need to learn what they are all called. I am thinking I can ask for someone to write it down for me so I can keep up with it better on the exercise page I plan to make. Anyway got that session done with the trainer and then went back to do my cardio. Back on the elliptical with all the beautiful healthy ladies. It was a battle back and forth with my mind that this is impossible and I can never really do this and I do not belong here. At one point I even thought someone beside me was looking at me strange. More than likely they weren't or maybe if they were it was my slip on sandles I am working out in. Maybe it was paranoia. Anyway Bri was teaching a kick boxing class and I was remembering her telling me to work on being more positive so I am watching the class and trying to tell myself if I keep this up that someday I can do that class. I am remembering Bri saying in 6 weeks I can do terminator tone up class. Back to arguing with myself that I will never be able to do that. All this while I am on the elliptical on level one working out. I am trying to make myself listen to what Brianna is teaching and not think about me or how I feel like I am gonna die and am I doing this for nothing for it never to work. Anyway I did not cry but made it through 20 minutes on elliptical. and then headed to rotary bike and did 15 there on level 4. It is like a battle in my mind. I KNOW that I need to exercise for health and I know I am the biggest person at Fitness Lady and I look crazy doing all this but I know I want to live. I just am mad at myself for this emotional internal battle in my mind. Anyway I need to keep it real ans share.

I also learned a lesson today. Between exhaustion and lack of stuff here for lunch I spent an hour trying to pick what I could have delivered that was not too bad. pretty much I had 3 pizza places to choose between. Kept trying to figure it out and then finally just gave into Pizza hut's special on Monday for $4 p'zone. My mom and nurse were also ordering and so got everybody's stuff ordered and then had to track it. Now for breakfast we were at the hospital and I ate so much better than I normally eat. Got all that tracked and tried to guess up with how the food was prepared as hospital cafeteria who knows how they cooked it. So when you added the P'zone and my breakfast together that left me with only 3 points for supper. So I had to get creative. Celeste was making hamburger helper for me since I did the gym so I knew that was out. Going and looking around online I figured out dill pickels are free food so I had some of those and then 3/4 cup of great norther beans that was 3 points. I should have eaten half the p'zone if I was gonna eat it at all and not had to have barely any supper and now I know that, I really wish we had some place to deliver that had something a bit healthier and I am gonna have to just really stop getting stuff. How do thin people eat at Pizza hut and places like that. Everything is so calorie filled. Anyway, I am off to drool over but trying not to covet workout clothes! LOL I have been noticing the things folks at Fitness Lady wear! Workout clothes and some in Fitness Lady tshirts and work out pants and such. I can't wait to get some Fitness Lady tshirts and workout clothes but everything in good time.

thanks for listening guys!

Weekly Weigh In Update #4

2012-01-22T12:57:00.002-06:00

Loss for the week: -2.8 lbs
Starting weight: 345 lbs
Current weight: 331.6 lbs
Total loss to date: 13.4 lbs

Total Percentage Lost: 3.8 %

BMI: 53.5

Pounds left to loose: 186.6

13.4 lbs GONE forever In Jesus Name! Not too bad since Dec 29th 2011. That is 3 weeks and 3 days. Weight watchers says my average weight loss has been 3.3 lbs a week. I was happy to see a loss this week because I had a really bad eating day and had to use all but 9 weekly points this week. And I am also having a few bad days of pain and today I have fever and a sore throat. I THINK it is my body telling me that with all of this I need to get rest in too. Sleep has always been an issue with the Fibromyalgia and kids but I had been doing much better with sleep the first couple weeks but last week was really bad. Hoping if I have a down day today and just light housework that has to be done that this fever and sore throat will leave by tomorow. I am learning that Friday through Sunday are m hardest times to eat well and definitly to fit in exercise. Need to think and pray about those days and what to do better. Wednesday Night is proving difficult as well because I seem hungrier for some reason that night, so I am going to alter even more my breakfast and lunch on Wednesday so that will help my eating at Church supper to be less stressful and not end up using weekly points other than for dessert. I have allowed myself dessert on Wednesdays because it is a treat to have it cooked by someone else, I am going to try to make sure it fits in my daily points though. And I only eat it, or anthing for that matter, if I really like it. I dont waste those points for something I dont care for! LOL

I made a few goals this week. If you havent seen it on the side of the blog I have a goal list of weight goals and non weight goals. I will add to it as I think of more. I had a goal for 10 minutes and 15 minutes on elliptical and I made both those goals in the same day! Kedgy (the owner of fitness lady) was visitng with me during my second cardio training and she was like go at least 5 minutes and then went to do some things and I just kept going and praying and singing in head and when she came back I was at like 7 and a half and she was like TRY to go to 10. and she talked with me the whole time and I got to 10 and she said keep going. I got all the way to 15! She cheered and bragged on me to Bri and the others around and that was so neat for someeone to have something to brag on ME of all people, especially fitness related! LOL Anyway, 2 days later I beat the 15 minutes by getting to 16 minutes! LOL I know that is not alot but its improvement! Brianna shared with me to compare myself to noone but myself. So if I can do better in any area than I did before then that is improvement. The treat of a trip to Subway by my daughter helped me to see an improvement from myself before. I used to eat as a standard if I got to go there a toasted footlong steak and cheese on italian herb and cheddar with bacn, pickels, sour cream, salt and pepper. This time I went down to a toasted 6 inch with no bacon, no sour cream and by accident go the 9 grain honey oat bread. It was a huge improvement for me even if not as well as some others might have done. Baby steps to win the race. Little by little I see my caterpillar self coming out of my cacoon. Our Thursday Night Water aerobics class I thought she was gonna kill us but I survived. She shook things up a bit and did totally differently and we swam laps doing different strokes up and down the pool and lost of kicking in different ways to use different muscles. It was great and I learned the side stroke and how NOT to swallow the pool or drown when there are tons of waves caused by so many women trying to swim like the sharks were after us as she told us to do! Also in 2 of my classes this week we did a bit of kickboxing in the pool! Now I could NEVER do that on the floor but I did do it in the pool. Also learning a bit how to actually punch. Not sure I am good enough at it to actually protect myself but kinda neat to think I kinda know how to punch now. I also was blessed to attend a Fitness class break out session with Brianna this week. I am learning so much at Fitness Lady!! Not just to exercise but so many things to help me and my family have a better, healthier funnier, and fitter life! If you want to see a bit of what we learned go to Brianna's fitness website HERE! She has tons of good stuff on there to help you out and that is just interesting! Also check out my fitness center at the link above or HERE! It is one of the best things God has brought into my life! :) And to show how much the Lord cares about us getting healthy I wanted to share that through much prayer and discussion my husband Bobby and I decided that even though financially this is one of the worse times ever for us and the worse time in the world for me to be asking to spend money on a fitness center membership and weight watchers that it was also a HUGE need for me and a huge priority and that no matter what we had to do it. I get a small disability check each month and we have been using that to live on as well as his income. We decided since that check is suppose to be to help with things needed for me and my health that Fitness Lady and weigh watchers would come out of it every month first thing no matter what. We will just have to adjust. We decided to do just ww online for now because of the financial cost so there would still be room for the gym because we felt both were necessary for me to be able to actually do this and win this fight for life and against super morid obesity. So we made that decision right before I joined Fitness Lady on January 3rd. So about a week or so later some money arrived in my account from disability. I was totally confused as they had already sent me January's payment and I thought what on earth. I decided to just hold off and see if they contacted me and if not I would try to figure out how to contact them and see what was up with this extra money. So yesterday I get a letter in the mail from them explaining that I will now be getting about $48 a month more every month on my disability payment. I was like GOD IS SO INCREDIBLE!!!! He is basically helping me pay for the Fitness Center membership! :) I of course if you know me, burst into tears! I get so overwhelmed when I see the definite hand of God in my life and know He is saying here you go Child, you are on the right track! I can't believe it but then again I can! :) Now the prayerful decision to make is whether the Lord did this so that we have back what we have been living on, OR are we suppose to take another step out and go up in my Weight Watchers Membership and get the monthly pass instead of the online only. I will be researching things a bit this week to see if I can still use the online system I use now if I go to the meetings as well. I sure cant afford to pay for both and doing the tracking online is really working for me so I dont want to give that up. I will try and find out what the meetings are like and the benefit they have to me as we pray and seek God's face on if that is a decision to make now or to leave it just online and Fitness Lady for now. Things are so financailly hard for us so I need to be wise in all this and do what we feel the Lord leading us to do , just as we did when the decision was made to do all this. It is so hard for me to think about taking money away from my family for something that is just for me, but I just keep telling myself if you don't do this you are going to die. Anyway , just thought yall might like to hear about how the Lord blessed after we stepped out! :)

I really liked this. Butteflies are my theme because the Lord is transforming me from a caterpillar to a butterfly and I think they are so pretty and signify new life and the Lord is giving me a new earthly life and helping me to learn to live just as He gave me eternal life by dying on the cross for me! I am always looking out for butterflies and insirational sayings on them! Someday I want to get more butterflies to put around my house! I have a few in my bathroom to remind me each day!

So do me a favor guys and do ONE thing this week that is for your good health! One change, one thing to become a healthier and better you! AND in addition to that please leave me comments on what you did or will do, and any comments you have with tips for me! PLEASE do not be offended if I do not follow your tip, or if I dont come on here and share about it, but I will read them all and take it all in as I am trying to make more and more steps towards a better me!

January 15, 2011 Weigh In #3

2012-01-15T07:52:00.001-06:00

Well, its weigh in day! I am thrilled I lost, but not thrilled that it was so little, but trying to remind myself that EVERY pound should be celebrated and that is a bit more off my heart, lungs and body. This week I lost

2 Pounds!

Two Pounds gone for good! That is what I am telling myself. Not was much as last week but still heading down. With that 2 lb loss It puts making one of my goals!

Loss for the week: -2 lbs
Starting weight: 345 lbs
Current weight: 334.4 lbs
Total loss to date: 10.6 lbs

BMI 54

Pounds left to loose: 189.4 lbs

I am not feeling well at all today. I feel very bloated and have soooo much congestion in my head today :( YUCK. Also have some swelling in my legs and feet and they are hurting more today. Trying to stay motivated and now my goal is to do better next week.

Had an awesome Night last night meeting my friend Charlotte and her family for the first time! Charlotte is another adoptive mama who just so happens to have lost over 200 lbs in 2 years on Weight Watchers and exercise! She came down to encourage me and to bring me some clothes. Most are too small but it is so neat to think I may get down into them soon. There are mutlple sizes for me to have a few things as I SHRINK in Jesus Name! :) It was a fun evening of being treated to supper at Cracker Barrel and then swimming at their hotel! :) My family and I had a blast! :) She is an amazing lady with an awesome family :) She was such an encouragment to me! It is wonderful to meet someone face to face who has done this! :) And she is still working at it :)

Little by little God is helping my caterpillar self get ready to become the buttefly inside and out. Today I begin a Christian Education Class at our Church that I pray will help me in becoming a beautiful butterfly for the Lord, my family, and those who my life may touch in years to come. I can't wait to get to worship this morning. I really need that today! Happy Sunday All!

Weigh In Update #2

2012-01-10T09:39:00.001-06:00

Loss for the week: -5.8 lbs
Starting weight: 345 lbs
Current weight: 336.4 lbs
Total loss to date: 8.6 lbs

Total Percentage Lost: trying to figure out how to figure that out!

So there you have my Sunday January 8, 2012 weigh in! Not too bad, thank God for loss. It is overwhelming to think I still have SOO far to go with just that little lost, BUT it is 5 pounds off my heart and joints and body and that is huge! :) Yesterday at Church the Lord spoke so loudly to me during worship. One song in particular really just screamed at me. The words below :

Its time for you and I to stand
To march into our promise land
To walk in faith and not by what I see

His favor is upon us now
We're clothed in righteousness and power
Its time for us to shout the victory

For me in my journey to me right now with weight, and with some personal stuff this really huge! Time to walk by faith and not by what I see. My earthly eyes can't see me at 145 lbs, but with God I can do this and I can walk in faith to get there. It is time to shout the victory! Time to shout that I WANT to live, time to shout that GOD is the way I am gonna do this, time to shout I have Victory in the weight and the other stuff because of who GOD IS :) Here is the song! I just keep singing in over and over and over! This is one I HAVE to own at some point :)

On top of that wonderful song and feeling so like this journey is my earthly march into my promised land, so much was going on in my heart and mind during worship. God is showing me and more and more parts of my life that are handicapped by me being Super Morbidly Obese. He has led me to make a list of things of goals, not just weight goals, but goals of things I want to be able to do that right now I can't. I was so emotional Sunday Morning as it hit me that this even affects my relationship with the Lord. If you viewed the song above, (and if you didn't please do, its fun!) it is very very upbeat and such an awesome worship song. We are singing it that morning and I am soo into worshipping God and all I want to do it start jumping! WHAM! it hits me, IF YOU WERE NOT SO HUGE YOU COULD JUMP for the Lord! I tried but I am just not able to jump unless in the pool. That goes on the goal list. I want to be able to jump in worship. I want to be able to worship in whatever way that the Spirit moves me and not be hampered by my weight. Also another thing that happend was I tried SOOOOOO hard to stand all the way through worship, and I did last MUCH longer than I normally do, and when I normally would have sat I kept praying and telling myself to push myself and stand a bit longer and even told myself you burn more calories standing than sitting. Then I felt guilty for looking at standing in worship as a calorie burn. Anyway, another goal is I want to be able to stand all the way through worship period and then I want to be able to stand all the way through without having to think about it or it be hard! Anyway, those were just a couple of things that came to me that need to be goals in addition to the scale goals. I am going to be working on a way to put the goals up on the blog and something to track the weigh ins and such. I think it is important for me to have it all up here for myself and those cheering me on to see how I am doing and as my catterpillar self begins to transform into that butterfly I want to be able to look back and see what all God has done and remember every step of the journey. Please comment and let me know yall are following along. I NEED all the Cheerleaders I can get! Thanks for letting me share a bit. I think that being able to open up and share about things is going to be important for me to release this weight and maybe some of the things inside that got me here. I am looking so forward to a class at Church coming up that will work on the inside at the same time. I am beginning to wonder if some of the pain and feelings inside have something to do with all this.

What a week!

2012-01-06T17:09:00.002-06:00

Hello to all of you who are following along and cheering me on! What a week it has been. It was a week ago yesterday on December 29, 2011 when I restarted this blog and went public with my plan to do all I could to find ME and to actually get to where I am living and to NOT let this Super Morbid Obesity Kill me. It has been a pretty good week all in all! So to share on Sunday I began doing the Walk Away the Pounds Dvd 1 mile workout. This is a 15 minute mile with a warm up and cool down for a total 20 minute workout! I almost passed out at first but I did it! I did it that morning and that night! GOD helped me for sure!

If you are unfamiliar with this workout dvd it is more than just walking. It is a power walk plus alot of other exercise that calls on other muscles of the body. It has walking, knee lifts, hamstring curl, arm workouts, side steps, side touches, and such all that you are doing while you are walking. It is a good workout and there are many more to move up to so I am excited! But the fact I was able to do that twice and not die was huge to me! :) On Monday I did it again twice :) I also emailed the gym I went to for a bit before Noah came home because when I went there I felt better than I have in years before or since. After talking back and forth by email with the amazing owner we set up an appointment for Tuesday night for me to come in and sign up again! I spent monday evening talking at length to Bobby about this and he agreed that it was VITAL I make this step so here we go! :)

This is one of the T-shirts they have there that I soooo want!!! There are about 4 or 5 ones they have up there and are $20 each so that will be a luxery at some point! :) I love what this one says!! :) They have a pink one I really like too because I am into girly things and colors and I like what it says too but this one just really I LOVE :) Anyway so I went in to sign up and met with the owners daughter who is one of the personal trainers and an amazing woman herself! I can't tell you how wonderful these folks are and she has even had some training because folks with super morbid obesity dont loose weight like just overweight folks and can't do things in the same way. She talked to me for a good while and I even cried in front of her and dont really know her. She is awesome. They all are. Anyway they really think they can help me and I am sooooooo excited for this opportunity. She explained this was gonna be a long haul type thing so I signed up for the longest contract she offered me which is for 2 years!!! She was able to share with me that she has a couple of clients that started out my size and one even a bit larger than me. One has lost 120 lbs in a little over a year. I was blessed to meet her that same evening. :) God is really working this all out for me and showing me that I can do this with HIM and the people and opportunities He is placing in my life! So I signed my contract and then headed to my first class right then and there! Water aerobics!! An HOUR class!

Here I am all dressed for the class before I put clothes on top and headed up there to sign up and do the class! Now, if you have never done water aerobics at Fitness Lady you may think this is just a light workout. You would be far off the mark. It is a real aerobics class but in water. You really work out and do so many of the things that is done on the floor in other classes and also some stretching and toning! The owner that teaches it makes it a total blast to boot so it being fun makes you want to do it. I really wish I could go more than I can. With the boys therapy schedules I can only go on Wednesday Morning and then I can do the 5:30 classes offered on Tues and Thursday. So for now it will be 3 days a week for Water aerobics! Next week I start the first 2 of my 6 training sessions that you get when you join. They will teach me all about all the machines and such and help me work out a plan for me and my needs, decide what weight I need to set machines on, how many reps of things I need, etc. I am quite excited! They have a free childcare in M thru thurs evening and for Wed morning when I go too. they dont have it on tues and thursday mornings so wed is the only morning I can go. So I will be going up there for something Mon, Tue and Thursday afternoon/evening and Wed Morning :) Can't wait to learn more and more :)

I also signed up for the 100 days challenge! You commit to doing some kind of intentional movement for at least 30 minutes every day for the first 100 days of 2012! I have saved the below picture to my computer to color in each day as I do it! :) I dont always want to move unless I have to , but now I am trying my best to move as much as I can. Trying to get back to taking better care of my home, though I have to get very inventive in how to do some of the things cuz It is still not doable in a normal way but I pray the day will come when I am much smaller that I can do it all like I should.

Isnt it cool! :) Its amazing to think how little I was moving. I am still hurting, but I was hurting sitting so now I am moving and hurting but overall I feel AMAZING!!! I am so praying I can keep the motivation up for the long haul! I now at Fitness lady they will help me to keep going and get past plataues or do whatever I need. It is amazing to know they are here and actually WANT to help someone as big as I am. So many places just look at someone my size and think what is she doing here. It makes me cry still thinking about how great this opportunity is and I will make the most of it! I can't wait for weigh in Sunday morning to see if I will have some results on the scale to go with all this I am doing.

I am back to weight watchers online! I actually have been paying for it all this time but not really tracked since June. So I started that back this week as well. I have tracked all food and activity all week and I love the online site and how easy it is to keep track of it all and see what I am doing. It tells me based on my weight how many points I can have a day and alot of foods are already in there system and I just write in what I ate and search and then it puts the points. Some things I have to google online to find the nutrition info and put in the ww calculator on line to find points, and some things I just use the box. It is great to with restaurants and all. My friend Charlotte gave me a link to a site that has most restaurants on it and you click on the link to that place and it will tell you the best choices to eat and the points and all for it. That will be a help for when we are blessed to go out to eat! :)

Speaking of my friend Charlotte!!! She is another adoptive mama with Asian Cuties and she has been doing weight watchers for 2 years and has lost 228 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT is my bare minimum goal and she has done it! I am so blessed to have her in my life for support and advise as well as friendship! I am also blessed that she is only about 3 and half hours away from us and on January 14th she is coming into town to see me!!! I will get to meet her face to face and hear all her story, her advice and just spend time with her and her family! She is staying at a hotel with an indoor pool and has invited us to swim with them and just have a wonderful evening together!!!! I CAN'T WAIT :) I know Noah will love meeting her kids! :) I can't wait to share with yall all about our visit and I can't wait for the day that I can be where she is! But I have at least 2 years of work ahead of me to get there! AGAIN , God is so showing me that He has got my back in this and providing more and more people to help, support me, and cheer me on! HE KNOWS how I am and how much all of yall caring and cheering for me will help and motivate me! I KNOW I can't do this alone! BUT with God and with the help He is bringing and lots of cheerleaders I can.

His Word promises that He has made EVERYTHING Beautiful in HIS time!!! I am part of everything! I am clinging to this verse and to the buttefly! The above saying is so me. Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over. That is me. If I continue as I am I will die. The doctor said it, people DIE from super morbid obesity. And to make it worse not only could I die, but even alive I am not living So much I can't do like I am. I am the caterpillar! A very big one. But God can transform me into the beautiful butterfly!

God has done so much in me over the years. He has broken so much bondage off me, He has healed me in so many areas from the inside. Just recently He began the work inside on an even deeper level of my onion of need when I was in a SOZO mini class in my Church ladies cell group, Agape Women. He began stirring some things in me I thought were gone, were healed, were not a part of me, and He began showing me that He is still working on me inside and now out too. I also just found out that I will have an opportunity to do the SOZO full class in Christian Education on Sunday mornings soon. God's timing is perfect. How amazing that I will be able to go through this at the same time that He is working on the my physical body too! He is working on me from the inside out. I love the above verse and am trying to remember it in my own life! The OLD has past away. So much of my old still affects me to this day and I know that I need to leave it behind. Just as I will leave each of these unhealthy pounds behind for good. I have to begin to see myself more and more as God sees me. I am already a new creation but the more that I open up to God and others the more I can stop being the caterpillar and become yet again a new creation by being the butterfly! Butterflies symbolize new life. For me when I reach goal I will have a new life. I will actually be able to live! I wont be making decisions based on will I fit in the seats, how much walking is involved, can I get up and down from there, etc. I am probably sharing WAY more than yall are wanting so I will hush now. IF you read this far thank you. I will be updating the blog often to share how I am doing for my cheerleaders to know and also for me to be accountable to knowin yall are watching. I will be looking forward to comments and such so please comment! :)

Happy New Year 2012... So happy with myself today! weigh in #1

2012-01-01T13:49:00.002-06:00

Well, Its January 1, 2012! The first day of the first month of THE YEAR my life is going to change! IT HAS TO! I am happy to say I have started out the day quite well today! I joined a 100 days challenge with a group of folks that plan to have 30 minutes a day (EVERY DAY) of some sort of intentional movement for the first 100 days of 2012. So this morning I began the walk away the pounds video work out! I have done it in the past when I was not quite this large and with me having such shortness of breath and more pain levels and all I was figuring I might get half of it done at best. So the warm up begins and I am telling Leslie are you kidding me THIS is a gentle warm up? I am about to die! lol I huffed and puffed and every inch of me hurt but I did the warm up and got into the cardio level power walk as she said. BOY did my carido feel it! LOL But I kept watching the little digital clock up at the top count down and doing my thing with her and then FINALLY she says we are fixing to start the cool down, I am ready to die at this point but I am thinking I made it this far! So I kept going and did the ENTIRE 20 minute work out! Basically she says it is a 15 minute mile (those of you who run are probably like FIFTEEN MINUTES for ONLY ONE MILE, but for me this is HUGE! I DID A 15 MINUTE POWER WALK MILE! And its kinda cool because its not just walking in place. You do walk forward adn back, you do knee lifts up and down, you do side steps and you do kicks and then you do hamstring curl while walking. towards the end of the workout you do double side steps and knee lifts too I think. Anyway you are also doing stuff with your arms. She says it is a way better work out than if you just went outside and walked a mile but its the same distance that would be covered. I still have to do 10 minutes of intentional movement today. I am thinking about maybe trying to do the mile workout again this evening. but not sure if I should do that or something else. Any way you look at it I am excited!

As if that is not enough good news to share, I did a weigh in this morning. Thought the first day of the year was a good day to do a weigh in so I will weigh in every Sunday Morning now I reckon, or I may end up moving it to monday, not sure yet but for now its today. I am at 342.2 that is a slight loss from 345! I am so excited. The biggest changes that brought that were more water and more movement in just basic living. Today was the first day of a literal workout. Well, last night during the fireworks I stood the entire time (which is another thing that never happens with me cuz standing hurts) and so because it hurt I was doing leg lifts, and marching in place and such on and off. so I guess that was a sorta little workout.

I also did my measurements yesterday. :( so sad but its the way it is. I am gonna post them here and then see later if I can figure out something to go on the side bar that I can show the change as they go down. I can't decide how often I should take measurements. Not sure if once a week is good, maybe once a month. I dunno. Any ideas??

Ok, had to come back in and edit this cuz I forgot to put the measurments in. So here goes:
Dress Size (28 to 30)
Waist (56 inches)
Hips (67 inches)
Arms (21 inches)
Thighs (30 inches)
Weight on Dec 29 (345)
Weight on Jauary 1(342.2)

Ok, there they are out there! Not sure why it is hard to put it out there, not like anyone that looks at me can't see how HUGE I am. But anyway, I pray to see the numbers go down down down :)

Happy New Year from The Sisemore's!

Scared and trying...need help...starting again

2011-12-29T14:45:00.001-06:00

So if I have any folks still following this blog I am sure you are saying to yourself, here she goes again. Yup, here she is again gonna try and loose weight, gonna get healthy, gonna make changes, etc. Those who have been around for the past few years have seen me do that with this blog a few times. The last time I tried I did loose a little weight but have gained it back and more. I am not really positive what happend, but when I came here today to make a post about trying yet again to do this I saw the last post I made and the date. It was right after a trip to baton rouge last June. Life that day took a HUGE turn for us. My husband was budget cut from a 20 year career on the DAY of his 20 years. He needed 25 to draw full retirement and we are thankful they gave him his retirement but it is a very very tiny check. Nowhere near what it would have been. We are able to keep our insurance with us paying what we did before so that is a blessing too but that then take most of the check, so basically its insurance. Either way its not enough to survive on. The trip to Baton rouge and the dr's was already planned for our sweet Jeremiah and turned out he had to go to baton rouge to complete the retirement process so the trip became a joint thing. Little did we know then how long and hard the journey ahead of us was to become. about a month later he did get a temp job that did not pay much but at least it was money coming in and he got some leave bought back from him by the job which between that and God kept us from totally drowning. But that temp job did not last long. Here we are 6 months later and he has a new job now. It pays less than half what he was making before and so things are not great but prayerfully we can try and keep from drowning. God blessed us through some amazing people and allowed us to make our house payment in December and to have Christmas thanks to some wonderful elves! Now he is working but it wont be enough for all the basic house payment and utilities much less more but somehow we have to believe it will be ok. Anyway, all that to share that the timing of me stopping blogging about my journey to health coincided with all that happening. I have been depressed and getting more and more so as much as I fight it and tell myself to be content in all things and that God is in control. I am ashamed of myself and the fear I have felt these past 6 months and to be quite honest still in the quite hours of the night still feel about all this. But I know God is the provider and he has used some great people and some very interesting ways to care for us and I know he will continue too , at least at this moment I know it.

Anyway back to my journey to a better me! I know you are thinking yup, just all talk again. I PRAY you are wrong. The title starting with scared was more about this than the job and all. I am flat out SCARED about my size, my health, my future , or potential lack there off one. I look at my weight, I look at the picture of me coming into the living room carrying my baby Christmas morning and I bawl. Am I even inside there anywhere? Where is Tami? For years as a big woman I thought well some folks can be large and be ok. Its just how they are made. My health was ok , no different than the joint issues and other issues I had since I was way smaller so what was the diff. Well, now things are way worse. The pain is way worse. Shortness of breath you would not fathom. I can't do anything , even basic care of myself without being short of breath and about to pass out. I love to soak in my garden tub, but dread getting out, drying off and dressing because I feel dreadful when I do that. It is sad. I worry how my heart can hold up with 200 lbs of extra weight on this body? that is another overweight person that I carry around on my body. My healthy body weight for my height is between 140 and 150, so my goal weight is 145. So basically I am 2 overweight women in one body. I have skin issues and many issues that are strictly form being what my doctor calls ' Super Morbidly Obese" Disgusting :( I feel like so many people think well its your own fault. well yes I guess it is. I can go into so many things that may have contribute to this or that but what is the use. I am a 345 Super Morbidly Obese Woman and that is that. Now, I have to figure out a way to change that. A way that works for someone this overweight. My life depends on it. I can't explain to you WHY I am all of a sudden scared for my life, other than more and more things are being affected by this weight. I look at my children and I think I want so much more for them. I want to have the energy to do things with them, and I do not want them to become what I am. I hate who I am. That is not politically correct, that is not the Christian attitude, but it is the fact. So , now I start again. little tiny step at a time but I start. yes I have failed over and over and over and over. But its either start again or order the piano box to be buried in and lay down and wait for this to be fatal. I dont want to do that. I WANT TO LIVE. If anyone reading this at all can be a cheerleader and support for me PLEASE jump on board. I KNOW I can't do this alone, I have already proven that. I need friends, I need support, I need GOD but I also need people. People who understand and people who dont. People who will check on me, but not judge me. I have one person I know truly cares and is pulling for me ad I thank God for her. She is far away but I know she cares and wants me to win this battle. You may think this is nuts but for some reasson it is important for me that I share this hear, it is important that I make it public. Yup, I worry about failing again, but I just have to keep trying. It is so weird the things that are so hard for me. All I ever wanted in life was to be a wife and a mother. And I am , but a sucky one. One who can't care for her home, or herself because she is so big and in so much pain and exhaustion. Little by little I have to change. Right now I take care of my babies as best I can and fall out. But I have to do more and more life things. and little by little if I can loose a little I can do more and more exercise and maybe start living. I am bawling my eyes out as I type this and my mind is going crazy with what will people things when they read this. What do people think now when they look at the biggest person in the room walk in. Somewhere in all this weight is Tami. I need to find me in here, I need to seek God with alot of emotional as well as physical pain. Is it important for me to know how I got this way?? I dont know? but I do know it is important for me to TRY to just TRY and do something about it.

Me Christmas 2011. Knowing my daughter had the camera to get pictures of us bringing the babies out to see what Santa left I shifted Jeremiah in front of me thinking it would hide me a bit. I , of course, was wrong!

Monday Weigh in...27th day of weight watchers!

2011-06-20T17:08:00.000-05:00

Well, this week I got a big shock. I actually did not gain and lost 12.8 ounces! I can't believe it! It was a rough week emotionally, it was a rough week eating wise because we were out of town at a hotel that provided free breakfast and supper and was NOT weight watchers friendly, though good food but not in the way of calories. It was FRIED chicken strips, nacho bar, baked potatoes (which I did do a baked potatoe and that was not too bad but to put anything on it available made it not as good. I should have just eaten plain baked potatoe the whole time but didnt. Anyway things of that nature. they did have pretzels available which is good becuase they are not bad and you can have a bunch to a serving. We were very active, we swam every day and I would do bunny hop across pool and back and then side step etc. Carrying one or both babies the entire time! We also took turns working out in the gym each night! It was actually knda nice having the gym right there in the building and gettng babies settled and going down! LOVED THAT :) Anyway, I was so worried I had gained but am trilled it was a loss! even a tiny one. Praying to do better next week!

3rd Weigh in Day

2011-06-13T08:38:00.000-05:00

This morning is my 3rd weigh in on my Weight Watchers and day 20 doing weight watchers. Since last Monday I have lost 4 pounds!! and a total of 13.2 lbs since I began weight watchers 20 days ago! :) That puts me at 331.8 pounds. You can't reallly tell by looking at me but the scale shows it and my clothes are showing it a bit! I really did not think I was going to do well this week with Jeremiah's gotcha day celebration this week at Chinese buffet. Researching most things I eat at chinese are NOT good as far as points go so that was worrysome. I just only at the things I loved the best and tried to eat less than I normally would. The beauty of weight watchers is you can eat anything as long as you track it and stay in your points. And you have weekly points for days you go over your daily points that are there for the purpose of special occasion, date night, etc. Anyway I did go over a few days this week into the weekly points but I reckon it still worked out ok, unless it affects me next week with lower loss, not sure yet. I only got to the gym a few days this week because child care is proving to be an issue but when I go it is so good (though I think I am dying at the time! LOL) Praying to figure out more and more ways to go more. My goal for this week is to go every other day. We are going out of town Wed through firday or saturday for a dr appoitment and a meeting bobby needs to go to and I am praying the hotel has a gym, if not that may mess up my goal. Also it will be a rough week because we are staying at a hote that has free breakfast and free supper but its like baked potatoes every night, and then otehr things rotate like nacho bar, hamburgers, hot dogs, etc. Not necessarily healthiest foods but it is included in our reasonable room rate and it make the trip more affordable! If you ever have an option to stay at a Drury in take it! I have friends who have stayed at this one so I know they are as good as advertised which makes it a great thing! Anyway I can use yall prayers to help me still do good.

THANK YOU LORD that YOU are my strength in this journey too!

2nd Weigh In Day

2011-06-06T08:22:00.000-05:00

Well, Today is my 2nd Weigh in day and day 13 on Weight Watchers. I lost 1 lb and 6 oz this week. I am not thrilled with that number but am thankful I LOST instead of gained! It was a rough week of learning how to do this in the real world outside of my house. Memorial Day, My daughter's birthday (eating out twice AND going to the movie) and my mother's monthly shopping and lunch out all fell on the same week! So with all that I think well maybe I did pretty ok. I dont want to allow myself any excuses with this but I did loose, just not at least 2 lbs that I had set as a goal for each week bare minimum and definittly not the 7 lbs 6 oz I lost last week.. Anyway, it is a total of 9 lbs and 2 oz since I started weight watchers GONE! That I can be thankful for. I think I can actually do better if I can figure out the gym more. I keep praying they will up and decide to offer child care, but for now we have to work it out as we can. I have been very active just not able to get to gym every day. As I get a bit more healthier I think I will be able to do better at doing the body gospel video's at least in part and that will help. I have a crazy week this week, my baby Jeremiah's 1 year gotcha day is tomorow! I will be at chinese buffet. I am planning THAT to be ALL my weekly points! Ad drink lots of water! Just remembered I have NOT ordered the cake! EEEK More from me next week! and for those that follow the family blog I WILL do an update soon I promose!

I am very into butterflies now! They are the symbol of my weight loss journey! They symbolize the new life I have in Christ and the new life that is forming again in this journey to health and weight loss!

Well, FINALLY I may have found a way to do this!!

2011-05-30T12:59:00.000-05:00

Hi all,

So if you have been following along with this blog the few times I have posted you probaby are thinking yeah right, she keeps saying she wants to get healthy and loose weight and then nothing seems to happen. First and foremost I KNOW GOD is the one who can help me do this, BUT He needs me to commit to the maximum degree and not just sit around saying I am waiting on him to free me from the bondage of obesity. I KNOW I DO NOT HAVE THE STRENGTH to do this on my own! I feel that God has led me to join Weigh WAtchers online program. I realy hope to evenutally do the actual meetings as well because I believe that would help even more, but that is $40 a month more i do not have. I love the online tracking and all and between the ojnline website tracing and the app on my phone and all it is really helpful. I actually joined Weight Watchers this past tuesday night (may 24th). I was quite excited that day and thought of coming to post then about it and thought, well, everyone is probably tired of hearing me say I am gonna loose weight and get healthy so I didnt. Well, I set Monday mornings as my weigh in day. So I weighed this morning and I lost 7 lbs 6 oz! I know when you need to loose 200 that is not alot, but it is a loss. Granted I am bigger now than when I started this blog, but still at least I am heading in the right direction. Bobby, Celeste and I all joined a new gym out here called Fit Nation that is only 17.00 a month per person. They do not have child care so it will be challenging to take turns and make it work, but I am so excited to go. We are also going to start the body gospel back up ( I wil just have to do as much as I can because passing out is NOT a good option when tryin to work out! LOL Weight watchers is also cool because it can show you how farily normal things like rearragning furniture is excercise! Poor bobby, all I need is another excuse to rearrange things and reaorganize! LOL Been working alot on trying to reorganzie and make things be more organized and less cluttered. so many things you can buy for that but it is all so high. we have gotten a few things and will see how that works. Anyway, just wanted to share the newest step in my journey. If you or anyone you know is on weight watchers and uses the online etools and community please share my id there. I need friends there and as much support as I can get! I am TAMIJOY4HIM on weight watchers :) I would love to hear encouragement from anyone who is willing. I am on facebook too as Tamijoysisemore so you can find me there too. Also, if you have any good recipes for vegetable side dishes I can try let me know. I am extremely picky and there are so few I can stand so it will be challenging. most of all PLEASE be praying for me. I am what is called super morbidly obese. I need to loose 200 lbs. IF I consistently loose 2 lbs a week EVERY week it will take me 2 years to reach my goal. I am investing in this with all I have. Paying the monthly fee for ww online, paying for the gym, buying member kit and anything else I can find at a good price that will help. I soo want to do the meetings but we will have to see how that works out. But I hope by putting money into this it will help me be more faithful to it and I am praying it really will work. Some have said you should not be spending money to loose weight, well, for me for now this is what I believe God would have me to do. I appreciate all prayers and support!

failure

2011-03-11T15:26:00.000-06:00

well here I sit still the biggest woman I know and very likely one of the biggest on the planet. I am workin on little changes but it sure does not feel like anything ever will do any good and that must maybe some people are just born to be super morbidly obese and have to be buried in piano boxes. It feels like I will just keep getting bigger until I have to be cut out of th ehouse and buried that way. I know it sounds morbid but bein super morbidly obese is morbid. I had so hoped by now I would be doing better and I really feel worse! I am soo exhausted and no energy. I miss so much of life because I am just to tired to go and walk around at the boardwalk or wherever. I try and then am so short of breath it is not funny. Prayin for an elliptical is still top on my list. Even 5 minutes on it 5 times a day would be something and it did help before, helped with energy and with stamina and even a tad with weight loss. I was healthier before Noah than ever in my life when I went to fitness lady for water aerobics and elliptical. but $100 a month is just not in the plans for me at this point and by now it might be more. But people buy ellipticals and then maybe dont use it so they can give to me. LOL well I can dream and pray....right!

Also praying about hormone replacement therapy after my devastating hysterectomy. Alot about me has never been the same and I just keep thinking there has to be a right thing to help. Praying about talkin to dr again about it.

i eat less now than most everyone in our house except Jeremiah and am still the biggest. not sure food is my issue but its just me ya know.

not sure why I am writing I am sure those than were cheerin me on are so disappointed in my yet again failure. I thought about deleting the blog all together but for some reason I decide to post instead. maybe venting how I am feeling will help. I dunno.

I feel like the worse mother on the planet and that my kids suffer because of me and I hate it. tryin hard to not look at negatives but I seem to be full of it.

IT HIT ME!!!!

2011-01-18T16:14:00.000-06:00

Well, it REALLY hit me today when I started thinking about things I needed that we are going in August to the first ever Annual Taiwan R.O.C.ks family reunion in Texas. AT A INDOOR WATERPARK! ME, all 330 plus pounds of me! EEEK I will be meeting people I have come to love over the years in person for the first time and spending a day at a waterpark with them in a bathing suit which at my weight NOTHING is becoming on a woman but a swim suit really is not becoming! EEEK EEEEK EEEK! I am been so excited this was going to happen and I was goin to meet them all but it hadn't really hit me yet what will it be like to be the LARGEST person at a resort :( BUT I so want to meet some dear dear friends that I know for sure are coming and PRAY they will like me in person. TRYIN not to worry about what they will think of me :(

anyway, so update on things with me and the Journey... I THINK I may have lost a little weight or inches or maybe I just rearranged it but my 2 pair of jeans fit a little looser so that may or may not be progress! LOL I will say that things are slow but progress is coming. One big change I have made and have so far been able to stick to most every day is eating less. I consciously think about it and I think ok, normally I would eat this or that much or if we are eating out normally I would order this or that and make myself beyond full because i dont get it often, well intsead I am thinking ok, as long as I eat LESS than I would have in the past it is a change and it might make a difference. :) I think it might be doing that cuz even with some major battles with illness and NO exercise other than daily living I see a difference SLIGHTLY in clothes. I just think if I keep that up, eating less than I normally would little by little that will make a difference and i can begin that as a forever thing rather than a diet that I wont keep up. Most diets I would starve to death on because they have stuff I hate in them. lol And if for a good while I eat less than I use to eat, I can then in a month say, ok I am gonna eat even less again. Sounds stupid I know but for now at least it is a small proactive way that I can be making changes. A dear friend said in an email or comment one , dont remember. to each day or week again dont remember the exact quote to do something to improve my health. Make some kind of goal or change in that direction. THAT has been huge in my mind. LITTLE things I can handle. Like ok, instead of drinking another diet soda I will drink a glass of milk. Now, I ADORE MILK, BUT there are a couple reasons I don't usually drink it. ONE I have this thing about wasting calories! LOL IN MY MIND I dont want to waste a calorie on something I can't chew. I never claimed to make any sence guys! LOL Anyway so that is one reason, and the other is that milk is more expensive that cheap off brand soda and I try to leave it for the kids. Well, NOAH will not drink it most of the time now and that drives me nuts. He will drink chocolate milk when we are out, but if I put milk in his cup he goes forever and just refuses to drink :( even if I make the chocolate milk myself from sugar free syrup, nope he wont drink it. one stubborn boy. he use to drink us out of house and home on milk but not now. luckily he likes water so that is good. anyway, but a few times here and there I am drinking it thinking the nutrition in it is good for me. though it is calories so for weight loss might not be so good.

Water..well I basically HATE water, EXCEPT if it is very cold bottled water and only specific kids. I have tried so hard to go to drining lots of water that is suppose to be so good for the body and helpful for weight loss but tha tis harder than fasting food! makin myself drink it. Well, my mother loves water but again only bottled water. Soo, we ware looking at getting Muisc Mountain water dispenser in our home. She said she will split it so that would be $25 from us each month to do it. BUT there is some up front costs that you have the first month and a one time fee so that is on the back burner for right now. BUT I am praying we can get that done soon because I believe I will do MUCH better with drinking it if I have chilled water available all the time that I dont hate the taste of. LOL

Exercise,
Well my body gospel arrived and it was NOT good. It basically sent me into a depression. I got a little over half way through and had to sit down and balled and bawled. :( I felt like such a failure and that Bobby wasted money we did not have to buy those for me. That night we got it my daughter did it with me, which was so sweet. And she made it all th eway through :) She is great. Well then for a good bit after I jus could not make myself try cuz I knew I would not be able to do it and like I said it kinda really depressed me how bad at it I was. I am SOOOOO not in as good a shape as I use to be and it almost feels like it is just too late. :( I was cryin and sayin we were gonna have to save for a grand piano box to bury me in cuz I was just gonna keep gettin bigger and bigger :( Well, I am battling that feeling now but it was not a fun thought and sometimes I do think it but try to tell it to shut up. lol Then I got sick sick sick and so there has been no more workout since. Flu type aches make me not want to move at all. not good excuses but its the truth and if I am gonna have a blog about this journey I need to be truthful.

Spiritual.. I am going pretty good most days about getting to watch my Joyce Meyers sometimes I have to watch 2 or 3 cuz something happend and I missed a few but I LOVE it and could awatch them over and over. She is a good teacher and holds my atteniton. I have been working on being more faitful with a bible reading plan, and reading things on the net that have scripture in them. And also a bit on bible memory on my phone. Getting closer to God is a big step in a better me! I need to work more on this step too. when we can stay well we are going to a great Church with some other moms with kiddos that really want me to come to cell group on sunday night and get to know them better, I think that will be good for me too. And of course when we get to be at Church and in worship, my FAVORITE place to be :)

Active~little by little I am trying to be a bit more active in some way each day. I get out of breath easy and that drives me nuts and its not fair to my kids and I tend to NOT want to do stuff because of it, but I have to do it. Our home has gotten so out of hand with illness after illness and so much goin on since Jeremiah joined our family 7 months ago. I am telling myself 7 months is too long to be this disorganinzed and out of control. I think the ICU and living at the hospital and all realy took a toll on my body physically and definitly on my home. And since then tryin to get therapy and docs and so many things established, me bein sick, firbromyalgia kicked up, you name it and its like I am on the whilrwind and I just can't catch up or get anything done or figured out. Well, I am working now on decluttering, getting rid of tihngs, simpyfying and doing small changes that wil help in big ways. I got a new trash can! SILLY as tha tmay be that was HUGE for me! It is a BIG trash can that holds a 33 gallon bag! NO more overflowing trash can watiing for someone to take it out. we were filling up the 13 gallon one several times a day and the trash can really was smaller than that cuz ww can get WAAAAY more into this big one than the little one 3 or 4 times! GREAT decision on my part :) Today I got a little 3 drawer cabinet on sale for Noah to have a little art cabinet in our living room. It will be good for him to have a place that is special for him to have some creativ ethings to use his creative energy that he can have easy access with persmission too. I know you are thinking why is she talking about trash cans and art cabinets and my out of kilter house have to do wtih getting healthier and a better me but somehow for me they are all connected.

Anyway, I just thought I would share a little about how things are even though I dont have any numbers to share or anything but I can share about progress in some small way and the news of looser jeans is huge for me!!!

This is me the other day. I had spent hours workin on getting hair dealt with. It tangles really bad. and it is usally up by the top of my head so I would have to be bald to resolve this issue which Bobby says NO WAY to :) lol and I can't say I blame him. Not to keen on the idea either.

These were taken New years eve on the anniversary of Bobby's proposal to me. Celeste started acting silly and we are cuttin up in the bathroom of a restraunt! LOL YES WE ARE CRAZY!

another shot

posed now

my trash can! I want some apple decals to put on it to go with my kitchen! :)

New Year, New Me, better Me???? PRAYERFULLY

2011-01-03T12:02:00.000-06:00

Hi all

for those that are still following Hello and I know you have heard this from me before so you are probably already thinking oh dear, she says she is gonna loose weight again. Well, sorta yes. I am PRAYING to loose or at the very least NOT GAIN anymore. I am praying to pray more about what I do before I do it in all aspects of my life, be it eating, exercise, or any aspect of my day. To be intentional about allowing GOD direct my life. And to get healthier and let GOD direct that too. PRAY I dont die! LOL we ordered some body gospel work out dvd's. I was SHOCKED Bobby agreed to get them as we are having to make it in 2 payments but I guess he thought investing in our health was a good thing. They are all to praise music and there is prayer in them and they put GOD at the center of your workout! Now for me working out is gonna be an issue period between my massive size, my bad knees, and other painful issues, but I am determined to do the best I can. Bobby says he is going to do them with me which will be fun when he does. and I figure even if I can't do them all, or the way the ones on there are doing I can worship and MOVE in some way even if some has to be in my chair. Little by little maybe I will be stronger! I figure Noah will try to at least jump around and praise while its all going on :) heehee and Jeremiah LOVES music and laughter and I am sure I will be laughing at myself quite a bit! LOL

Also praying for an elliptical to fall from the sky! LOL May sound funny but if God can bridge the ocean TWICE and send all the funds for these 2 boys adoption then an elliptical is nothing! LOL It is the machine I used so much at Fitness Lady before Noah came home and I did loose some weight with it but the biggest thing was I gained strength and stamina and just did better overall. I was healthier when Noah came home than I think I have been in years before or since.

Weight, well that is a sad thing to admit. Last year my goal was to loose 10 in 2010 . Well, I did that, BUT gained it and more with it back. I can use excuses and Jeremiah's journey with all the fundraising, and the trip and the hospital as excuses I suppose but does it really matter? sad thing is I am bigger now than then. To be honest I don't know my weight :( Either my scale is psycho or I outweigh its maximum because I stand on it and it says E. I know in he past I have weighed 330 on it so I am assuming I am more than that, but no clue how much more. I am praying about buying a nice scale that goes up higher so I KNOW where I am at but again expense is an issue. Course with all he sales right now who knows.

IF you are following along PLEASE share and let me know. I hate to say it but I soo NEED to support and encouragement and to feel that someone cares that I get healthier, that I feel better, that I look better. I am praying about sharing some of the really hard/ TMI things about being super morbidly obese (the category I have been in for awhile now) but am not sure what folks will think of that. Sometimes lately especially I cry my eyes out about some of what I am physically dealing with because of my weight. I gross myself out. Joyce Meyer said during a program the other day. STOP telling yourself bad and negative things, STOP looking at yourself as YOU see yourself and look at what GOD SEES INSIDE. She said if you speak the negative enough you become it. 200 lbs ago I said I was fat. I wasn't then but boy am I now. So yup my words had power. Now I am not saying if I say I am thin it will happen, lol would be nice though but I am also striving for emotional and spiritual heathy in this journey. I have to find tihngs in me God sees as good and focus on those as I work to improve the ouside and th enot good things about me. the biggest thing in me is JESUS is there. So at the core HE IS IN ME. This workout program we have ordered puts GOD at the core of your workout, well if HE is in me, what better thing to do! I am also signed up to do a Boss Your Heart 2011 Bible Challenge in honor of my friend Lorraine's sweet Chrissie who is now dancing before Jesus in Heaven. THIS will be a huge part in a new and better me! We are visiting a Church that we have decided God has said THIS IS IT and will be joining it soon. It is so hard for me to go and do and be the biggest person whereever we go :( I feel like everyone hates me and its hard but I also KNOW I need Church, I NEED worship, I NEED fellowship, I NEED friends.

Another motivator for me is that in August I will get to meet some DEAR friends in person for the first time ever. I am PRAYING that as many as possible of them are coming cuz I want to meet them all. We will be attending the Taiwan ROCks Family Reunion with as many other familes that have adopted from Taiwan as we can gather :) It will be at Great Wolf Lodge with an indoor water park. can you say EEEK for a super morbidly obese woman to be at a water park. It is bad enough to meet them all for the first time in clothes but SWIMMING SUITS! EEK lol So I realize I am not gonna be skinny by August, BUT I can be better lookin than I am now. lol and the BIGGEST thing is I want to FEEL BETTER, BE STRONGER, and have MORE STAMINA to enjoy the time playing and visiting with everyone in addition to caring for my family at a resort! :) This is HUGE for our family to take a real vacation and we are starting to save now! It will be so worth it all and we plan to somehow attend every year no matter where it is located. How fun, a vacation every year and get to spend time with other families with children from Taiwan! :) WIN WIN!

well, I have so babbled on here, I hope someone read at all and that someone finished! lol

PLEASE be praying for me!
Thanks

watching

2010-09-04T16:24:00.000-05:00

I found myself today sitting on a bench at the walmart with my 2 angel boys waiting on my mother to finish her shopping. I was unable to do what I needed for lack of room in the buggy with jeremiah laying inside. So I sat there and fed him a bottle and just watched the world go by. It was a strange kind of feeling and day for me. I realized sitting there watching the world go buy that most of the world is skinny or just a bit overweight. I mean I know I am the biggest person I personally know and all but still it is different to sit here and see it all. I am watching ladies check out in front of me that are so thin, so normal. And I wonder, what must it feel like to be thin and beautiful? What must it be like to be able to wear beautiful clothes, to find inexpensive cute clothes for fun times, to have so much energy and to just be normal. To not have folks look down on you because you are so big? What must it feel like to be thin and beautiful? As I sat I saw really thin, kinda thin, slightly plump, a bit more overweight and just a whole realm of folks, though most were thin or just a bit more than that. I did see a couple of larger people, though still smaller than me and I also saw looks they were given. It is weird to be a fly on the wall in walmart and see this. I can just imagine what folks think about me, what looks they may give when I am rushing about and do not realize it. I also experience strange looks and comments today because of my sweet Jeremiah. It saddens me that the world thinks badly about him because of his disabilitities. I am overall very down after this experience and I am not sure why I am writing. I thought where to write about this and thought this weght loss blog that is basically useless because I am never going to be one of those thin beautiful women and it makes me very very sad :( BUT I am blessed to have some amazing children and I will do all I can to be the best I can to be a good momma to them. I do think I have lost a bit of weight but have not had time to go to the doctor to be weighed and find out. but short of a catastrophic illness me becoming a normal weight or a thin and beautiful woman is NOT happening. I can just pray to not be a disgust the rest of the world someday and be at least a bit less super obese.

NOT GOOD WEEK :(

2010-03-10T09:47:00.000-06:00

Well, weigh in happened late this week and it is NOT a good weigh in :( Should have just skipped it all together :( I gained 2 lbs! back up to 325 :( NOT GOOD AT ALL :( I am in tears :( I did MORE this week to loose, more exercise, more water, more portion control, and everything! not feeling so good right now and kinda hopeless :(

Weigh in Monday! Shock again!

2010-03-01T10:59:00.000-06:00

Well, I have more shock this week! I just weighed in and I am DOWN another 2 lbs! Yes I know that is not much and added with last weeks 2 and half I have only lost 4 and half pounds so far BUT it is a loss! :) I really did NOT think I would loose this week so I am thrilled. Course my loss is nothing like biggest looser but then again I don't have all that help! lol We have been exceptionally busy and active this week so that may have helped too :) I have had a couple ladies commit to DONATING based on my weight loss! It is kinda neat to think that Jeremiah is getting a total of $13 per pound at this point! The first donation payments are scheduled to arrive when I hit 300 lbs! Today I am 323 so I have a ways to go still. PLEASE keep praying guys :)

Thank you :)
I am getting healthier for my boys! :) and me!

I AM IN SHOCK!

2010-02-22T14:12:00.000-06:00

Well, last week Celeste helped me weigh and I was very sad to see my weight was 327 pounds! I mean I knew I was big and I knew I hated things about me and about being big but still that just sounds so awful! Our digital scale died on me so that is why I needed help to weigh on the other one, if you get off the weight leaves so she had to look for me :) plus if you bend over I am told the weight goes up. Anyway, point of all this is she just helped me weigh again as my first offical weigh in after my starting weight and I LOST 2 POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am in shock! Part of me is like maybe she just read it wrong but she pointed at on the scale for me to see and unless she is fudging it to make me feel good I FINALLY lost a tiny bit of weight. BUT that is the first step! HEADING DOWN! I am trying to come up with some walk away the pounds video's I can walk in the living room with at home so it is not dependent on my having a car. Granted I am alone here and dont company to do it with , well unless you count Noah! We have had some changes in our life and our home this week so I am spending alot of time reorganizing, moving things around , spring cleaning etc. I know it is not exercise but for this week that will most likely have to count! Anyway just thought I would share my loss! A friend suggested I get folks to sponsor me that they will donate so much per pound loss. LOL I told her folks do not care that much if I loose weight! heehee Anyway for those few who may read this blog PLEASE send me your words of cheer and advise :) It would be nice to feel like someone is cheering me on :)

Sharing and reflecting...

2010-01-26T20:20:00.000-06:00

Hi all, or anyone, not really sure who was readin this when I was posting the few times I did. Boy, looking back over 2009 and all I wanted to do and all I DID NOT do makes me so sad. Not only did I not loose 20 in 09 I GAINED weight. I am not positive at the moment what I weigh but it is NOT GOOD :( I have committed that I am GOING to loose weight for Jeremiah! I know, anyone that is reading...you are saying umm you said you were loosing weight last year and didnt. Well, all I can say to that is YOUR RIGHT! I can't tell you how, and I can't even tell you how much, I just know I feel like I need to loose weight to be a better mom for Jeremiah and NOAH as well really but with Jeremiah and his needs I will need more strength and more health and weight does not help those things. I cry my eyes out when I think about this, when I think about the boys growin up with this MORBIDLY OBESE mama! :( How much more could I do with them if I was smaller? How much less will I embarrass them over the years? And not to mention myself and how I can't stand how I look and hate being the biggest person I KNOW and the biggest person in the room when I go places. I had my catchy title in 2009 but it did me no good. So I started reflecting a bit on HOW am I gonna do this, and what am I gonna rename this blog??? Any ideas on the name guys???? I just know a few things. I know I HAVE to loose weight and do what I can to do to be a better and healthier person. I KNOW I need the LORD! and my doc says I need some medication and she SAYS if I take this medicine correctly and they regulate things my body will do what it is suppose to do and I will loose weight. Now, let me explain... I have Insulin Resistence. I dont completely understand it but it has something to do with how my body uses insulin. According to my doc because of this it affects my ability to loose weight so even when I do what is right to loose and dont loose that is why. Soo I am supposedly now on the right dosage of medication for my body to work correctly and so my attempts should be more succesfful! We shall see if she is right. Now, I KNOW I must have GOD for this! I keep thinking about 2010. Now I KNOW I can't loose 2010 pounds in 2010 LOL thank God I dont weight that much, and I can't even loose 201 pounds in a year. I would PRAY I can loose at least 10 pounds in a year! And I pray I can loose 10 lbs several times. I guess the number of the year is 10! Small goals this year I think! So I guess what I am gonna do is see how many 10 pound goals I can make! I will just start now with a goal of loosing 10 lbs and see how it goes and put all I have into that goal. I will track how long it takes. The prayer is I will get better at it and maybe my next 10 lbs will go quicker and easier than the first goes! I DONT KNOW! Also I am trying to figure out how to implement scripture into all this. Any suggestions? I have thought of tryint to memorize 10 scriptures per 10 lbs but I am NOT good at memorizing and dont want to set myself up to fail. So I am thinking humm maybe I should work on reading differnt 10 scriptures. Like Genesis 5:10, Psalm 3:10 etc. I dont know how I would pic them. Maybe just in my regular devotion time if I see a verse with 10 in it that speaks to me, then I can post it. I DONT KNOW. I seeme to be saying that alot! anyway, if anyone is still reading, and I pray you are as I am definitly NEEDING support in this please comment and let me know. I need to get a starting weight tomorow somehow. Tryin to figure that out too as my scale is not working at the moment. Anyway....is anyone out there?????

Blessings,

Tami~

Amazing Book Transformation God's Path out of Obesity

2009-04-29T14:44:00.002-05:00

Transformation Book Giveaway Fundraiser!

Joy Rollins, Author of Transformation God's Path out of Obesity and owner of Tranformation Ministry has donated this signed copy of he book/study! :) If you would like a chance at this wonderful book the giveaway is $1 per name in the hat! ALSO if you would in addition to donating for a chance like to help spread the word about our adoption and will send out an email sharing about our families journey to Jeremiah with a link to our family blog and fundraising blog I will give you 5 names in the drawing per 25 names you email. Also if you will grab my button on the sidebar and put it on your blog then I will put your name in 10 times for the book giveaway! The more folks who know about Jeremiah and his severe needs and then spread the word the more likely we are to get donations, entries in our giveaway's and other possible things to help bring my sweet baby boy home! :) Also, I will be doing a Spread the Word Giveaway with separate items on my family blog and fundraising blog so be watching those too :) There are buttons on the sidebar to get to both of those :)

Thsi is the front cover of the book

Here is the back cover

Here is the autograph page! :)

This book was generously donated by Joy Rollins. She has an egroup and a ministry as well. You may contact her at gods_transformation@yahoo.com. Thanks so much Joy for your wonderful Generosity to help bring Jeremiah home!

Also, please remember my Weight Loss Challenge Fundaiser! Add a penny or a dollar per pound you loose to Jeremiah's Fund! :) Either way you are making a HUGE difference in the life of a child!

Weight Loss Challenge to Y'ALL!

2009-04-28T23:31:00.002-05:00

Hi everyone,

Ok, so I have a weight loss challenge to you! Weight loss is an amazing thing that can happen when we allow the Lord to move over us and take that area of our life over! I am very much workin on that right now! As I am convinced the healthier I am , the better off ALL THREE of my children will be! So here is the weight loss challenge I give to y'all as I am givin to myself! :) I pray that some of you may want to join in with me in this! Every time I loose a pound I will donate a dollar to The Jeremiah Fund! LOL Now I pray I have an issue comin up with the funds! Anyway I just thought this might be a neat fundraiser to do with some of my friends who are striving to loose weight and get healthy! Sometimes when you have more motivation you can do better. So will anyone out there join me? and if you lost weight last week, donate $1 for each pound you lost to bring Jeremaih home! and if you can't afford $1 per pound, donate 1 cent per pound! Maybe if you look at each pound you loose helps this sweet baby boy who has never known a mother's arms yet, who struggles so hard day to day with his severe cerebral palsy, to be one step closer to being HOME FOR GOOD! Here is the lastest picture of my Jeremiah to give you motivation!

Jeremiah Harold Sisemore 1 year old!

Mama and Noah WesLee Sisemore! :)

from my heart

2009-04-26T13:58:00.001-05:00

I wanted to write a bit today from my heart that is overflowing with love and closeness to the Lord today! Recently God has begun making lots of changes in our life, we are currently seeking His Face on what Church He would have us to be in, He has begun our new adoption Journey to Taiwan for Jeremiah :), my mother in law decided to move back to the rehab home where she made so many friends so she has moved out of our home, Celeste has taken a part time job in addition to her college classes, We are praying about opening our home in the fall to a foreign exchange student from Taiwan! Lots of Changes and things goin on in our lives right now. Not all of them have been easy. In the Church change relationships have changed and some of that has been VERY painful, walking into a big Church where I know noone and seeking God's face is a new and scary experience but I know that HE was there so that made it doable! I look at the financialy side of Jeremiah's adoption with my earthly eyes and it seems HUGE! I watch the baby fund NOT move, I watch giveaway fundraisers of donated items barely get any notice, and my human eyes get scared! Easter Sunday we visited a Church around the corner from our house and they sang a special of a song called "Through the Fire" It talks about He never promised that the cross would not get heavy and the hills would not be hard to climb! That when we stand in the valley of decision He will SHOW up and take us through the Fire again! That spoke so much to me at that time as I felt like I was bein hit by so much negativity for being obedient. That same song was sung again as a special this past Wednesday Night and again I felt it a balm from the Lord! Then Today in Church there was a guest preacher from the John Jacobs Power Force Ministry that will be at our Church all week as well as goin into the local school assemblies! Well, this preacher was on fire for God and he was preaching right to me! He spoke about the gift of Faith! And holding God faithful! He spoke about the KNOWLEDGE OF FAITH. That KNOWING that no matter how big the mountain is that GOD IS ABLE! I was balling! Here I sit HOLDING my evidence of Faith, of God is ABLE! I had Noah in my arms. I remember when we began the journey to Noah how I had NO CLUE HOW we would do it all and again and again GOD would show off and we got every penny , every paper, every everything we needed to bring Noah home and God was faithful! :) NO SURPRISE. I remember part way through that Journey I begged God for a sign that Noah was indeed ours and that it was gonna all come and He gave me that sign, the exact sign I asked for! I remembered all that today! As the pastor spoke about speaking things that aren't as if they are, WE DID THAT WITH NOAH! We spoke NOah as our son, the adoption as paid LONG before either was a fact in wordly eyes! God spoke to me today that I need to TRUST HIM and hold Him Faithful to move the mountains and bring Jeremiah home! It does not matter what my earthly eyes see! It does not matter what the world, or doubting folks in my life, or anyone or anything my say. MY GOD IS ABLE. MY GOD LOVES Jeremiah WAY more than we ever could! It is NOT about me being good enough, or worthy enough, or wanting too much by asking for another baby. IT IS ABOUT GOD and WHO HE IS! HE IS FAITHFUL! Through HIM I have the power to speak IN FAITH that Liang-Chung that waits in Taiwan is indeed OUR JEREMIAH HAROLD SISEMORE. and WHEN the adoption is FINAL we WILL travel to pick him up. GOD will do it! GOD will get the glory! And people will be touched, just like with Noah! YES, it can't happen like it did the last time, yes some of those grants are not available anymore, yes some loans are not available this time but that is all details that DO NOT MATTER! I either believe GOD or I dont! I CHOOOSE to HOLD GOD FAITHFUL! I CHOOSE to look on this entire situation with the adoption with eyes of Faith! I CHOOSE to look on EVERY hard thing with eyes of FAITH! God will show up and take me through the fire again! God will have the folks in my life that HE has to be there! I CHOOSE to follow in Him who I have believed! :) When God is for us, who can be against us??

Here is a video of the song Through the Fire :) and below is "I walk by Faith"

Physical or Spiritual or both?

2009-04-14T22:27:00.002-05:00

Well I thought I would write a bit tonight. I am still definitly wanting to try and loose 90 in 09 but it is not lookin so good for it! Loosing weight has ALWAYS been an issue for me for whatever good reason or bad reason. Different docs have said different things. Anyway, We have had some things goin on this past week that were very difficult to deal with but definitly needed in our walk with God! We felt God leading us to step down from being children's Pastors and to go to another undetermined as of yet Church. We have been praying over this decision for a couple weeks and Bobby of course made the final decision and also decided when and everything this would happen. I have some emotional ties to a couple of ladies at our former Church not to mention some really great friends in them as well as the rest of the congregation. It was a very rough thing for me to think about leaving all these folks, esepecially at such a time as we are beginning the Journey to Jeremiah and his adoption and all. BUT, God is who we depend on and who we trust so we were very prayerful and making sure what we all heard God saying. We so wanted to make sure we were in HIS will for our lives. It was an emotional time in coming to the desicion of what to do but once the desicion was made there was such a peace. And even though it has not been received well by some at the former Church and I fear loss of friendships because of it, or so it seems at this point, but God is able to heal and restore, as I have also seen this week! Anyway even though all that is going on I fees such a peace in knowing we are moving in the direction of getting closer and closer to God! WHAT can be wrong in that? Well, in the midst of all this once the decision was made I began having just TONS more energy, and my appetite has been very small, but not in a bad way, just in a satisfied way. Not sure this is making sense or not. But it is like alot of things to me I am wondering if they are a physical manifestation of a spiritual issue. So now I am taking that a step further to my weight issues. I physical manifestation of a spiritual problem! just maybe soo. I am under stress as we work hard to try to come up with ways to fundraise TONS of money we need to bring our son Jeremiah home from Taiwan! but its a good stress but stress none the less, so I need to turn to Jesus more and more and make sure my food choices are nothing but good and energy producing. Part of me is petrefied about how quickly we need the money, how I am having to wait on money to send in USCIS paperwork, how I need to get payment to the agency and HOW am I gonna do it. I AM NOT GONNA DO IT. I am gonna pray, I am gonna share the need and tell everyone else to pray and to share the need. When I watch the three SHORT video's of my amazing son Jeremiah in Taiwan my heart just melts for him. I know his cerebral palsy is severe and he needs me so much, he needs me to get him QUICK. He has already been waiting a year and so I know that I must move quickly. All that could lead a person to eat badly. I am coming here to yall that are followin me on this weight loss blog to ask you guys to pray for me to not fall into fast food cuz I am busy fundraising, to fall into eating bad because I am busy, stressed, etc. and Please do pray for Jeremiah! Pray for his mama to be a healthier thinner mama as this journey goes on :)

Here is the four of us on Easter. Next year Jeremiah will be in the picture!

mama and Noah playin! :)

2009-04-10T14:41:00.001-05:00

Hi all,

We had a dutch show bunny donated to us to help draw donations for The Jeremiah Fund. Well, obvisously this is a local fundraiser as I can't ship this sweet thing all over the country! Well, a little girl I know named Rachal, she is 11 years old, and she despretly wants to win this bunny! Her mother does not have alot of funds, works very hard to keep food on the table and it would be such a blessing for Rachal! Rachal has been coming up for ways to get dollars to put towards winning this rabbit! Mom has said she can have it if her name is drawn. My thought was maybe some of my online buddies would want to help. The chances for the bunny are $1 each. If you want to help Rachal win her bunny boy then please donate to the chip-in fund and for every dollar donation I will add Rachals name to the hat another time! Come on guys and help this little girl have some joy this easter and Help get Jeremiah closer to home!

Introducing a new son! :)

2009-04-09T23:59:00.003-05:00

For those following this blog that do not follow the other blog I wanted to announce to y'all that Bobby and commited on monday to adopt an amazing and adorable 1 year old baby boy in taiwan. His name is Jeremiah Harold! :) Please keep him in prayer. He has severe cerebral palsy and has lots of needs the most of which is to come home SOON! PLEASE pray for HUGE Miracles for us to get funds QUICKLY. I am so waiting for God to show off as He did for Noah's adoption and then some! :)

Here is his pictureso you know who you are praying for! Please pop over to my other blog! I have 2 giveaways going if you donate to the fund to bring Jeremiah home! :) I also have a button I will be putting up on the sidebar that you can click to get to our blog and read about him and the giveaways and all :) I

I have not been spending alot of time as of late on weight loss but just recently I have begun to draw closer and closer to God and made some really big and HARD decisions and it is amazing that my appetite has been so under control through this! Not gone, but just much better control than ever. I am beginning to see that some spiritual issues have had physical manifestations in my body! Praise God I am working on those! don't know if weight will start coming off or not but I am gonna work at it more again.

PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-03-28T00:26:00.002-05:00

Hi all,

I am coming to you today and I am asking you to PLEASE pray about and consider helping my friend Shonette to help bring home an angel girl that she is trying to adopt! This little baby girl has Down Syndrome and she needs the love of her Mother's and Father's Arms asap! :) Please even if you can only give $1 it can help. Click the button on the sidebar and help bring Faith home! :) If you will email me childofmyheart@aol.com I can give you more information on how to help! We are trying to raise $2000.00 by Monday to get the ball rolling! PLEASE please reach deep down in your heart and find room to reach out to someone and help them! If you have children, think how blessed you are by them and give! If you have a husband or wife think how blessed you are to have their love and give. Think about this little baby girl in a foreign world with no mother's arms. Think about a country where she will be put in an institution to die if she is not adopted, where she will never know the love of family, where she will never have the opportunity to reach her full potential and GIVE! Yes, I am layin it on thick, BUT it is all true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE PLEASE help. If you do nothing else PLEASE pray for my friend, her family , and her baby girl across the ocean! Think about my Noah, my panda boy that God bridged the ocean to bring home! Without help from people like YOU Noah would still be without a family and I would not have a baby boy to love!

not lookin good

2009-03-18T01:18:00.004-05:00

if the home scale is right things are not lookin good for me to loose any weight much less the 90 :( Sometimes I just wonder if folks are meant to be fat. I just dont know. For such a long time it did not bother me but the last 25 or 30 pounds has made a huge difference so I think well just loose those pounds and seems I am not. I did actually remember my isulin resistance medication today so that is good. I am told that if I can get that regulated I should be able to loose some weight but my memory is so bad for remembering it and then also making sure I have it but at times I dont think I need it and others I am sure I do. Anyway, feelin kinda hopeless with weight loss at this point but I am TRYING to remember GOD IS ABLE! IF God can get me on not just one but SIX planes to travel to Taiwan to pick up my baby, If God can take us from a $0 baby fund too all the fees paid and the trip over and done with, then God can shed these pounds off me! I just have to figure out how to give it all to HIM. I keep tryin to remember loosin it WITH JESUS! I need to move closer! Guess that is my focus at this point and not so much loosin but the with JESUS part.

Here are a few pictures of me from the past week.

This is me and Noah and my nephew's birthday on the 12th.

Here I am with hubby Bobby and my boy Noah today, Happy St. Patrick's day!

Rockin my baby , cuz babies don't keep!

Road Trip and Loosin 90 in 09?? WORRIED!

2009-02-28T21:24:00.002-06:00

Hi All,

We are back from our Road trip to and from Atlanta! We got home tuesday but came home really really sick! Actually we are still sick and now Noah is started back up again too :( poor guy. Anyway, being gone for so long and having to eat out all that time and not having lots of funds seemed to limit everything. Luckily there was a food court so we were not in high priced restraunts the whole time but fast food gets old quick! I am NOT a salad person at all though have tried so many times over the years but just can't force myself so even that wont work. It all feels hopeless more and more each day. The loosin anything much less 90. I am too scared to even look at scale at this point :( I met an online friend I had never met on the trip and was SOOO nervous she would not like me when she saw HOW big I really am but she was so so sweet and seemed fine with it! It was like we had been together as friends in person forever! Here are a few pics taken on the trip that especially make me SEE how big I have gotten! Most won't get posted on the regular blog but prayerfully here its ok! All I can hold onto at this point is this...
When I call on Jesus, All the things are possible! I can mount on wings like eagles and soar, when I call on Jesus, mountains are gonna fall, cuz HE'LL move heaven and earth to come and rescue me when I call. When my heart is broken and I feel discouraged I can REMEMBER He said HE WOULD BE THERE! THAT is the difference this time! How to implement that in to actually loosing weight I dont know yet but I'm discouraged and feel so weak and without strength so I am gonna CALL!

Me and Noah (on a horse) at Mississippi Welcome Center

Me spending PRESCIOUS time with my FRIEND Teresa! :) notice the rub on tatoo on my arm after a night of fun with my dear 20 year old daughter! When we got home Bobby was like IS THAT A TATOO! LOL he thought I had got a real one while gone! heehee

Sitting in a chair at the Omni Hotel in Atlanta texting! LOL

Shopping in the BIGGEST Target I have ever seen! Atlantic Station in Atlanta! I am with friends we went to conference with ! I am in the back with the baby buggy and am so much bigger than all them and feel so out of place.

Here I am with Noah in my Ole Miss Shirt my cousin Liz bought me! THE ONLY one they had big enough was WHITE! I don't do white! :( I was so sad about that but have wanted one for awhile to feel close to home and it was a gift so I was happy happy! Just wish I did not look so bad in white!

Ok, I am off for now! I will brave the scale soon! I am not sure how it will compair with dr. scale. Last time it weighed me more than docs said :(

thanks for caring guys!

Seeing self on video dancing SCARY...Seeing joy on hubby face PRICELESS

2009-02-16T00:48:00.000-06:00

hey yall

So Celeste and I did something special for Bobby for Valentines day. And we video taped it. I have it below so you can see. I must say seeing my LARGE and OBESE self on this video was VERY HARD and harder yet was to put on my main blog but hubby and dear celeste wanted me too! It is scary seeing how I look like a bunch of blubber dancing :( I HATE IT :( ugggh I was feelin under the weather earlier and someone suggested I call and get a steroid for lungs and I was like NEVER AGAIN! I gained a rediculous amount on them when I was on iv steroids for several months and want no part of them. I was big to begin with but that seemed to set me over big time. Anyway, feelin very down today:( BUT Bobby loved it so that is priceless! see for youreself and tell me how bad it is :(

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

LOVE AND TEARS

2009-02-14T16:10:00.001-06:00

Early this week, I learned of the passing of two beautiful little girls in Ukraine, Margarita and Katerina. These little girls were living in the institution that babies are transferred to when they turn four. It really hit home for me because though Noah would have been sent there had he been in that country and had he not been adopted by someone. He was considered 'unwanted' and by some standards hopeless just like these and so many others. These girls could have had such a different life but they died of the flu. They suffered alone, without a mother to hold, nurture and love them. They died alone, without ever knowing the love of a family. My heart is heavy with the suffering that they knew during their short journey's on this earth. But my heart rejoices that they no longer suffer and that they are no longer alone, that they are now in the arms of a loving Father in Heaven. They now know LOVE!

Earlier today I received an article regarding children in institutions in Bulgaria. My heart breaks to think of these precious children, children like Noah and my friends Breelyn and so many others, children with limitless potential, suffering, without the love of a family, in these institutions.

These children cannot speak for themselves. They cannot call out to tell us of their suffering, of their pain, of their hunger, of their loneliness. They cannot, so we must do it for them. We must be a voice for these children.

For the next two days on Reece's Rainbow (February 14th-15th) the pictures of all of the waiting children in Bulgaria will be viewable by the general public in an attempt to raise grant money for them and help bring them home to loving families (you can ALWAYS donate, but this is a concentrated effort to get these children home as quickly as possible). Won't you please consider donating to the grant funds of these precious children? PLEASE follow the link to the page and donate even $5 will help! EVERY penny adds together to help! PLEASE pray about whether the Lord would have you to give one of these children or another child across the world a HOME and a Family and LOVE this Valentine's Day! Go HERE!

As you spend this day focusing on LOVE, imagine for me what you would think of love if you had NEVER been in a family. Never been kissed and hugged and loved on. If you grew up in a crib instead of rocking in a mother's arms! It rips me to shreds EVERY time I think of how often Noah's cries had to go unheard, and I KNOW it was not because of lack of caring at his orphanage but how much can a couple Nannies do to care for so many babies? Noah was in one of the best orphanages I have come to find out about and I know he still suffered because he was there. Imagine a place much worse. Please think about the most money you spent on a valentine's day gift today and give AT LEAST that much back to God in the way of helping one of his little ones! And please do consider if one of these is saying mommy or daddy to YOU!

In closing, I'd like to share with you a poem written by Meredith Cornish in memory of Margarita and Katerina. This really got me and most of it can be said of any orphan across the ocean waiting for a family to call their own!

While we were. . . .

While we were eating...
... they were hungry

While we were playing...
... they were restrained

While we were tucking our kids into bed...
... they were alone

While we turned up the heat...
... they laid in the icy cold

While we wrapped our children in blanket sleepers...
... they laid in their own excrement

While we sang songs and listened to music...
... they listened to the screams and cries of those around them

While we rocked our babies...
... they silently rocked themselves

While we hugged our kids...
... they scratched at their own faces and pulled their own hair for stimulation

While we cried over scraped knees...
... they moaned in their loneliness

While we brushed our daughters' beautiful hair...
... they had their heads shaven to stave off the lice

While we fought off the flu with love and nourishment...
... they got the flu and went Home.

No longer suffering... but so many more still are.

Margarita

Katarina

Feeling Fatter by the second :(

2009-02-12T14:38:00.003-06:00

ok, so I am feeling fatter adn fatter :( I decided to weigh on the house scale today to kinda see where it was in relation to doc scale. I weighed 317.2 on home scale and at the doc was 314. WHAT usually home scale is less than doc so now I am freakin out :( ugggh It does appear I am just getting bigger and bigger and bigger :( ugggh makes no since. I feel hopeless in some ways about alot of things. I mean I am so totally blessed with the most amazing Son and Daughter and hubby and I am so thankful for that! but its me I dont like, its me that feels out of control. its me that feels overwhelmed cuz I can't keep things in my home in order. Celeste, Noah and I will be traveling in less than a week and I am so excited to just get away. I think most of the hotels have gyms in them if I can take Noah in there with me maybe in stroller or whatever. Anyway I think Celeste and I will enjoy that :) She actually wants us to join a gym together and I woudl ADORE that if we can A: afford it, and B: find one that Noah can sit in stroller while I do it. One close to the house is open 24 hours and we might could do late at night and put him in stroller and he would sleep. I know taht when I was going to fitness lady the elliptical was so good for me because my knees were not an issue. Bobby wants to work out too with us so tha tis good. Money is such an issue but we will see what we can see :) I need to come up wiht more things I can do that don't involve my knees and back and all. I am not really sure why I am posting today other than I just feel so yuck about everything and part of me feels like it is hopeless and why bother. I mean in 40 years I have just gotten bigger and bigger :( It sucks being the BIGGEST person I know and what really sucks is when others around me eat more and eat worse stuff and I am gross and they are not. ok shutting up now!

Here are some pics of me with my baby boy! I hate how I look in them but in case there is ever weight loss I need documentation of how big I was and I don't want him to ever think Mama was not around in his life. My dd is 20 and there are VERY few pics of her with ME in them cuz of my hating to see myself :(

He has the cutest grin :) LOVE this guy!

This was at the hospital yesterday before his surgery! He was loopy! :)

Here we are with Bobby on the 9th on his birthday. Noah was not wanting his picture made! We were saying chese and he was goin eeeeeeee but it meant let me down! heehee

Ok, I am gonna try this thing ONE MORE TIME!

2009-02-10T08:07:00.000-06:00

Ok, I have tried to loose weight for years with no success. Part of me feels I will be big and just keep getting bigger until I BURST! BUT I am trying to take up weight loss as my cross daily and carry it with JESUS! On the KLOVE radio they are talking about loose 90 pounds in 09. They began this on Januray 1st. Well, to me weight loss is hopeless for the most part so I did not jump on the new year bandwagon and decide to loose. Well, daily as I live life with my amazing new son Noah adopted from Taiwan and my 20 year old daughter Celeste and my sweet husband Bobby I realize that they are limited by my weight. This upsets me no end and I PRAY beyond PRAY that I can actually do it this time! We will see. My starting weight is 314 pounds at the doctors office recently so I will begin with that. Celeste and Bobby both feel like they need to loose some weight as well, though not near as much as me so they have commmited to loosing along with me! The BIGGEST thing in all this for me will be the WITH JESUS part. I CAN'T do this alone but GOD IS ABLE!!!!! I KNOW that HE can help me if I can just figure out HOW to let HIM! Please pray with me, offer me tips, and if you are close by in my life and find out through the blog, please come around and offer some support if you like! I have so many foods that I literally cannot stand and make me literaly gag so I am going to have to do this with the foods I can eat cooked in the healthiest way. I am praying for financial gain from the Lord to purchase better quality foods and splenda and things of that nature to learn to cook some treats for my family in a better way. I don't want Noah growing up thinking dessert is evil or something so rare when he does get it he eats the whole pan of brownies etc. I know so many that literally eat a small dessert daily and are a healthy weight. Anyway, the desire is here, as it has always been so I am praying this time things will be different. It makes me cry that I am bigger than I have even been in my entire life. I am 40 and 314 pounds. what happend to me :( I remember being 225 and thinking I was so disgustingly obese. I would KILL Now to be 225 and lower still! :) Please post a comment and let me know I have some support :)

Hugs
Tami